FOR SHAME. The inaccuracies of Wikipedia are simply too much for us to consider the popular web address site a reliable source of information.
We state for the record that we are appalled by any accusations that Craig James killed five hookers while he was at SMU, and will staunchly denounce the spread of this heinous rumor that Craig James killed five hookers while he was at SMU. Craig James killing hookers at SMU is a very serious matter for so many reasons. They prefer to be called "sex workers," despite Archer's Rule of Dead Sex Worker Terminology, and oh yeah, according to law enforcement records Craig James did not kill five hookers while he was at SMU, and murder is not funny unless it involves a long list of people in mostly fictional situations.
Wikipedia has corrected these, and well they should, because "Craig James killed five hookers while at SMU" is just as inaccurate a statement as "Mike Leach locked Adam James in a closet." We would not want that.
In conclusion, we state that "Craig James killed five hookers while at SMU" is the last thing we would want associated with Craig James, ESPN commentator and NOT-candidate for Senative. The rumor is false. Again: the last thing we would want is the phrase "Craig James killed five hookers while at SMU" associated with him. Please respect our wishes in the matter of "Craig James killed five hookers while at SMU."
YOU CAN'T SAY WE PAY PLAYERS THAT MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A TERRIBLE HYPNOTIST. Marc Tyler's suspension for a TMZ interview where he joked about players being paid at USC may last longer than one game, both because it's very improper to suggest your players are receiving forbidden benefits, and because joking about it would diminish the building myth of Lane Kiffin's ability to doofus-charm recruits into committing to any school no matter the circumstances. "MANCUB, GO TO SLEEEEEEEEEP, COME TO USCEEEEEEEEEE..."
TEXAS A&M IS COMMITTED TO A TEN TEAM BIG 12 HAHAHAHAHHAHAA. You will hear rumors today of Texas A&M accelerating their deliberations about moving to the SEC, and you should remember that they are as committed to the Big 12 as you are to your lease or mortgage, and that means forever. Or a week. Whatever.
SYRACUSE GIVES AMAZING WORKOUT FACE. Never underestimate the passion Doug Marrone brings to a team, or its desire to lift heavy things in the offseason and make love faces.
OKAY THAT IS A CHOICE HELMET. The Iowa State white headgear is soooooo smooth it hurts.
THIS IS NOT AT ALL SKETCHY. Fred Taylor's son, a VHT recruit, has his own app, and that is not at all weird.
HE WILL SPEND HIS TIME ON SUSPENSION MAKING COOKIES IN A TREE. Please remember that Carlton Thomas, Georgia running back, will be suspended for the opener against Boise State, and that he is also very short.
JUST IN CASE YOU WERE NOT SICK OF THIS. The Poynter Review project blames everyone, but also accepts ESPN's response claiming inaccurate reporting because suspensions involve "paperwork." Richard Sandomir seems to think that one should not use Twitter, ever. [laughs at New Yorker cartoon] [sips kombucha]
I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO TRAINING WITH YOU AGAIN AT OUR NEXT SESSION! Start your day with this and fail at nothing ever again.