HEY GUYS HEY GUYS HEY GUYS HEY GUYS--
I JUST WANTED TO TALK ABOUT FRIENDS BECAUSE SOME OF YOU HAVE THEM AND SOME OF YOU ARE DICKBAGS WHO SAY OH I'M YOUR FRIEND AND LET'S HANG OUT AND THEN THEY WON'T LET YOU SELL STEREO EQUIPMENT TO KEEP THE PARTY GOING I'M GOOD FOR THE MONEY IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NOT YEAH YOU PEOPLE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT FRIENDS ARE ABOUT AND I PITY YOU FOR THAT BECAUSE I'VE GOT LOTS OF FRIENDS--
THIS IS ONE OF THEM HE'S MY BEST FRIEND THIS IS HORACE AND HE'S A WRENCH BUT HE'S ALSO A FRIEND AND YES A WRENCH CAN BE BOTH AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW THAT YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT KIND OF FRIENDS OR WRENCHES ONCE I HAD NO ONE ELSE TO GO TO BUT HORACE SAID IT'S COOL YOU'LL HAVE ME AND WE GOT ON A GREYHOUND BUS AND SAID WHEREVER AND WHEN A LADY TRIED TO SIT NEXT TO ME I SAID SORRY THIS SEAT'S RESERVED FOR HORACE.
THAT'S HOW I GOT KICKED OFF A BUS SOMEWHERE IN KENTUCKY WITH ONLY MY FRIEND HORACE TO HELP THANKS HORACE AND GO TO HELL GREYHOUND IT WAS SNOWING AND FOR SOME REASON NO ONE WANTED TO PICK UP A TIGER WITH A WRENCH YOU PEOPLE IN KENTUCKY NEED TO LOOSEN UP AND PARTY---
FRIENDS TRUST YOU TO DO THINGS LIKE DRIVE TRACTORS MADE OF FLOWERS THAT'S TARA IN THE BACK I LIKED TARA SHE LIKED TO PARTY I'M SO SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED LATER AND HAVE APOLOGIZED TO THE BAND ON TOO MANY OCCASIONS HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY I'M SORRY I MEAN BONES HEAL AND FRIENDS FORGIVE AND WE'RE ALL FRIENDS AND DON'T YOU WANT A FRIEND TO BE THE ONE WHO RUNS OVER THE BAND NOT A STRANGER BUT A FRIEND WHO CAN RUN AND HIDE IN THE WOODS FOR A WEEK BECAUSE HE'S SCARED AND THINKS THE POLICE ARE AFTER HIM AND THERE ARE FRIENDS IN THE WOODS AND THEY HELP YOU AND FOR THAT I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL TO THE AMATEUR CHEMISTS OF BACKWOODS CAROLINA YOUR TEETH LOOK GREAT DON'T HATE ELEVATE--
I DON'T REMEMBER HER NAME BUT SHE SMELLED REALLY GOOD LOOK AT ME SNIIIIIFFFFFF AHHH SHE SMELLED LIKE APPLES AND LATER I SAID HEY DO YOU LIKE TO PARTY AND SHE SAID YES I LIKE TO PARTY BUT WHOA WE HAD RADICALLY DIFFERENT UNDERSTANDINGS OF DO YOU LIKE TO PARTY. I ONLY ATE PART OF YOUR HAIR BECAUSE IT TASTED LIKE BEEF JERKY MADE FROM A CANDY DRAGON AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS OR APPRECIATE IT I DON'T KNOW IF WE CAN BE FRIENDS JERKSTORES.
AND THE POINT IS THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT YOUR FRIENDS MEAN WHEN THEY SAY PARTY BECAUSE SOMETIMES THAT'S LIKE CROQUET AND CRUMPETS AND SOMETIMES THAT'S WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE HOSPITAL WITH A BELLY FULL OF THUMBTACKS YOU ATE ON A DARE AND DANNY FORD LOOKING AT YOU SHAKING HIS HEAD AND IT'S NOT MY FAULT DANNY YOU DARED ME TO AND YOU KNOW I'M NOT A PUNK SPEAKING OF REAL FRIENDS--
YOU PEOPLE NEED TO APPRECIATE A REAL FRIEND AND LET THIS MAN JUST ROCK THE WAY HE WANTS TO ROCK WINNING I KNOW YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND BUT TODAY HE SAID HE HAS TIGER BLOOD IN HIS VEINS AND YOU'RE ALL LIKE "OH THAT'S JUST THE COCAINE TALKING" BUT LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT HE'S SAYING THAT BECAUSE ONE NIGHT IN CABO CHARLIE FELL PENIS-FIRST THROUGH GLASS TABLE BECAUSE SOMETIMES WHEN AN F-18 IS PUSHING THE ENVELOPE IT CRASHES MAN--
--AND SO I HAD TO GIVE HIM A TRANFUSION ON THE SPOT WITH A MEXICAN SURGEON OR NURSE I DUNNO HE SAID HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING AND FRIENDS JUST TRUST AND ANYWAY HE LITERALLY HAS MY BLOOD IN HIS VEINS AND THAT'S WHY HE'S ALIVE AND MY BLOOD BROTHER AND FRIEND AND HE'S RIGHT YOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW THE RULES AND DO YOU HEAR ME CHAIM LEVINE HE IS A MAN AND YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF HIS SUPER TIGER BLOOD AND WE'RE GONNA GO ON HIS PLANE LATER AND YOU WATCH WE'RE GONNA BE UP HERE AND YOU'LL BE DOWN THERE AND CHARLIE'S BRINGING LADIES AND I'M BRINGING A SUITCASE AND IT'S GOING TO BE A BUSINESS MEETING AND IT'S GOING TO BE SO AWESOME--
