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Gary Crowton has over the course of his long career as an offensive coordinator achieved the impossible by forcing Mormons, LSU fans, and Oregon loyalists to agree on one universal truth: if Gary Crowton coaches your school's offense long enough, you will come to despise him. There are multiple reasons for this, but let's focus on two case studies.


The most classic of all Gary Crowton playcalls includes so many of the elements those familiar with the Crowton oeuvre regard as mandatory elements. Is there a complete disregard for timing and lack of field position alternately considered ballsy or deranged, depending on whether it works or not? Is someone double, or preferably triple covered downfield? Does the ball go to them? Does this play feel as if it were selected not by a human, but instead by a mad supercomputer bent on destroying your faith in offensive football? If yes to all, then we have a guaranteed Crowton classic.

CASE TWO: GARY CROWTON IS THE RING. You may not fire Gary Crowton, but must instead give him to someone in four years or less or else face having him as your offensive coordinator forever. His tenure at LSU was perhaps his masterwork, and a super example of "The Crowton Curve," the downward dangling trend his offenses display. In year one of the Crowton era the Tigers were 26th in total offense, then fell to 55th in 2008 before back to back finishes at 112th and 86th in total offense in '09 and '10 respectively. 

Maryland could assist college football in helping us get the most out of Gary Crowton by turning him into a visiting lecturer of sorts at offensive coordinator, coming in like Harold Hill in  The Music Man, getting the band together, and then immediately leaving town to do the same elsewhere. Yet Maryland signed him to a three year deal paying $500K a year while Norm Chow is just floating around out there headed for the Utah job. None of this makes sense, but it is the tail end of a mostly nonsensical season, so why not salute it and remind everyone #RONP4LSUOC.