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TCU vs. SMU: June Jones looks wrong in a normal shirt, but wear a Hawaiian shirt all the time on the mainland, and people assume you're a pedophile. #sad

Virginia Tech vs. Boston College: Frank Beamer knew he was in trouble when they saw it. The glowing star bounced into Spaziani, the music started, and they knew it was over


Stanford vs. Notre Dame: "By nature all men are equal in liberty, but not in other endowments," quoth St. Thomas of Aquinas. Also: "Andrew Luck drops fucking bombs."

NC State vs. Georgia Tech: Tom O'Brien lit the sparkler. It glowed with a phosphorescent white light. "Ooh, pretty!" said the GT safety as the ball went over his head.

North Carolina vs. Rutgers: The locker room. Halftime. Butch Davis: "I confess. I lied to you. This is not the NFL." "That's OK, coach." "This is the ACC." #masssuicide

Kentucky vs. Florida: Addazio smiled. A ten point lead off INTs glowed on the scoreboard. "Combat tactics, Coach Meyer," he said, eating a ball of aluminum foil. 

Georgia vs. Mississippi State: Bobo rearranged is "boob." Mark Richt has "harm trick" as an anagram. Dan Mullen's is "Am Null End." Anagrams can be  depressing, actually. 

South Carolina vs. Auburn: Estimated time to explain Jenga to Chizik: 94 minutes. But you'd have Trooper Taylor waving a towel for you the whole time, so that's nice. 

West Virginia vs. LSU: "Stew, I'm up to here with bunions." "Les, just put your feet in here." "OH GOD THIS IS A TREE SHREDDER AH--" "Ah, life's funny sometimes." 

Alabama vs. Arkansas: Petrino came out for Alabama; Saban for Arkansas. In his box, Sexton cackled, and smiled thinking about his best ideas coming from boredom. 

UCLA vs. Texas: They stared at the crater. "I've never seen a meteor kill a QB before. Just unbelievable," said Mack Brown. Neuheisel sighed. "Not for us." 

Oklahoma vs. Cincinnati:  It would kind of fate/ If Cincy played like Utah State/ To give the Sooners a bit of fear/And liven up Jones' first year. But Cincy sucks. 

Oregon State vs. Boise State: Kellen blushed. "You shouldn't have." "Cinderella needs slippers," Brent said. He poured the beer into the shoe. In the hot tub, they drank.

California vs. Arizona: Kevin Riley does something okay Kevin Riley does something that makes your eyes bleed Kevin Riley does something okay Kevin Riley o god WHY-