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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/22/2010

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WE CAN'T ALL HAVE $5,000 BUDGETS. Amidst concern about minor issues like their porous defense and the occasionally bizarre playcalling of Mike Bobo, let UGA fans and students continue to train their focus on the truly important issue here: their in-game commercial, like so many university ads, sucks.

"Watching it, I thought it was from some really poor school, and you get to the end, and it’s from UGA," said Dylan Gray, a biology major from Dacula.

HAHAHA YOU ARE A POOR SCHOOL, says a Harvard/Yale/Stanford graduate. We can't find the ad, which was made for $5,000, but it is evidently horrible and not befitting a school full of not-poor people like UGA. (We mean, ew, poor people.) Next time take the $5K, buy the rights to this Japanese commercial, and let the applications double and triple accordingly. 

Way better in every sense of the word, no? 

DAN HAWKINS WILL DIE ON THE SIDELINES AT COLORADO AT THIS RATE. Colorado will join the Pac-10 in 2011, will pay the $6.8 mil they owe the Big 12 out of future Pac-10 revenues, and will likely be so broke that without the equivalent of an angel booster swooping and dropping a boatload of cash onto the program that Dan Hawkins will continue to dodge the swinging axe of fate yet again. He's amazing like that, really.

THE IRRESISTIBLE SHINE OF A LAPTOP CONTINUES TO SPOIL ATHLETIC CAREERS. Michigan State TE Dion Sims, finance major and son of Classie Massey, has been arrested in connection with an East Lansing laptop theft ring. Please note that you just skimmed over the part about him getting arrested because yes, someone in this world is named "Classie Massey." 

STIFFARM TROPHY WATCH. Holly's on duty on our trophy watching front, and Denard Robinson and his legs are in the clear lead thus far in the early goings. Did you know Denard has names for his legs? One's name is Maurice, and the other's is Vengeance. Vengeance is the nice understanding one, btw. Pray you meet him and not Maurice, because that guy is a total dick. 

 WE'RE NOT SURE HE DIDN'T DO THIS HIMSELF. Listen to this and tell us that's actually not Mallett doing the rapping over a karaoke track for "Can't Touch This." 

THE BRUTALITY IS GENERATIONAL AND WILL CONTINUE. Brutus has been attacked before, and in more intense circumstances than the Ohio State/Ohio game. 

THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER REASONS. The Fulmer Cup probably isn't the best thing to cite when suggesting reasons why Phil Fulmer would make a poor AD (though we appreciate it.) HIs public bitchery, however, is, since his endless complaining about Lane Kiffin years after the fact only makes the church dress and sun bonnet we imagine on him get stronger and more vivid with each comment. (Because he's a church biddy with white gloves, see...)