BLOGPOLL BALLOT, WEEK TWO: CONTAINS MOMENTS OF SANITY

This week we bring you our slightly more sensical blogpoll ballot, complete with commentary from Locker Room Penis-hunting Female Reporter.

Orson: Ohio State shares the dubious honor of dibs on number one. Dubious because it's early, and because the Buckeyes seemed to push Miami around with ease hinting at complete mismatch. (Cue LOLACC jokes.) Special teams continue to bring the quease, as Miami had both a kick and punt return. Pryor continuing gradual curve upward from "Jerrod Johnson of the North" to "Hyperspeed Deathaxe." Defense was occasionally sloppy, but made up for it with abundant violence. Cameron Hayward tried Jacory Harris' ribs and said they were DELICIOUS.

Locker Room Penis-hunting Female Reporter. "Woody Hayes liked to do his press conferences in the nude, which was fine by me because even when it's an old, stocky man in hornrims I still crave the sight of hot babybaton more than anything else. It's the only reason I do my job! I don't want to get into specifics, but let's just describe it as three yards and a cloud of lust!"

Bama: Tidy, brutal, workmanlike, and most impressive in slamming open Penn State's defense with the Juggernaut (bitch.) It wasn't entertaining in the least except for the 87 yard fumble/fumble/recovery by Penn State, and when complete ineptitude constitutes your best memory of a game you can't take too much away form it as an indication of general fitness. Arkansas will be far more enlightening to their overall fitness in a way that Penn State just can't be right now (especially offensively.)

Locker Room Penis-hunting Female Reporter. "Oh, Freddie Kitchens. It's hard to forget seeing the full splendor of a man like that. Just one big Golden Corral for the eyes, I tell you. (Because he had batter all over himself even after a shower.) Hand me the hot sauce, honey, because I'm going back for seconds!"

Your pairing of mid-majors. They begin their decent into what will likely be the eight/nine spot for a while. TCU lines up Baylor, SMU, and Colorado State for the next month while Boise has a chance to dip up if they blowout Oregon State next weekend. Then the WAC's long slate of mediocrity kicks in, and we can slide them down and begin the cycle of debate followed by a conciliatory spot in a BCS game. You're Boise and TCU, and this is your fate.

Locker Room Penis-hunting Female Reporter. "It was the most moving day of my journalistic career: standing there, mike held out, as he told the story of how his boys had worked so hard, and so long, and just to come to this and lose. He was a man of standards, and a competitor; it hurt to see him in pain. Yet I maintained my professionalism, held back the tears, and wrote the best damn piece I could.

In the end, I think even my detractors agree that my exclusive interview with Gary Patterson's penis after the 2010 Fiesta Bowl was one of my finest works."

Boom kids: Michgan, Auburn, and South Carolina all benefit from early poll volatility, with Auburn and SC getting bigger bumps due to the excellent play of their defenses. (Kyle. Rudolph. Running loose through your secondary. That's why Michigan gets less of a bump.) They're all likely headed for some market corrections, so don't sweat the power polling influence here too much.

Locker Room Penis-hunting Female Reporter. "Not to tell too much, but a trade secret from a girl who lives to interview naked men: Denard Robinson leaves his shoelaces untied because he tucks his penis into one shoe, making it uncomfortable to lace up one cleat at game time. it's a curse, but he'll live with it and leave both untied just for symmetry's sake."

The rest: LSU is too high, we regret dropping none of the teams we dropped, HELLO NEBRASKA, with the rest of the field looking so bad early why the hell not Air Force, and USC's bump...well, that's less them being really good than everyone around them shifting combined with an estimation error of maybe two places.

Locker Room Penis-hunting Female Reporter: "1998. Colorado Springs. I'm interviewing Fisher Deberry, but he and both know what I'm here for: a nude male talking in front of me while awkwardly stepping out of his shorts. Now I'm as patient in waiting for the scoop as any girl, but something amazing happened while I was waiting for his Fighting Falcon to take flight from his pants. He went to take off his underwear, and there was just more more underwear. He pulled off at least eighteen pairs in a row. To this day he's my white whale of jockwatching."