In the hierarchy of SEC fan insanity, you'd probably put Alabama first since they do have this vaunted cult of cultishness surrounding Crimson Tide football. (I.e, Alabama fans no longer just worship the god they go to church to worship, but also worship the church and the trappings of the church itself.)You would be close, but the connoisseur recognizes the most actively and disproportionately insane fanbase of all is Arkansas.
Don't test the evidence, reader. They may be a small fanbase, they were the first fanbase to use the Freedom of Information Act to request the cell phone records of their coach, and like a team of Navy Seals will through sheer noise and disorientation convince you a thousand of them are angry at you when there are only 25 of them are actively outraged. Force multiplication is the word we're looking for, and the Razorbacks as a fanbase have it by the Sam's Club forkliftful.
The Razorbacks' punching above their crazy weight continues, as Hog Sports Radio reporter Renee Gork has been fired after she wore a Florida Gators cap to an Arkansas press conference.
AHAHAHAHA YOU WORE A HAT OF ANOTHER TEAM AND NEXT QUESTION--or, um, not exactly, since Arkansas fans went Ozark Prion Disease Insane over the relatively minor gaffe, posting Facebook info about Gork on the forums, jamming her inbox with furious emails, sending her the requisite death threats, and ultimately raising enough hell to get Gork fired from her job. Her Twitter is here, and it sounds like she had a lovely weekend.
This is your Public Service Announcement for 2010: Remember, No One's Buckass Snitshit Crazier Than Arkansas Fans. For your safety, please review the varieties of crazy in the SEC as arranged by car bombing preferences.
1. Arkansas: Would blow up your car with you in it. Then ashes would be placed in a separate car, and re-exploded.
2. Alabama: Would blow up your car, and then be placed on NCAA probation for it while claiming it was the best car bombing ever in the history of car bombs, and then would erect statue commemorating the occasion.
3. Ole Miss: Would want to blow up your car, but merely set it on fire with some lighter fluid due to athletic department spending cuts.
4. South Carolina: Would anticipate blowing up other team's cars every weekend, sell out stadium, and then shriek in horror as their cars were blown to smithereens. Repeat on a weekly basis forever.
5. Tennessee: Would attempt car bombing via contract hit man, but would have hit man hired away mid-job by West Coast operatives.
6. Florida: Blows up car but dies in blast when leg is caught in bear trap left by Auburn in immediate vicinity.
7. Mississippi State: Plot foiled by pants loaded with clanging, guard-dog-alerting cowbells.
8. LSU: Blown up in attempt due to timer error. *
9. Vanderbilt: Suspects filthy anarchists and labor unions of starting this "bombing" craze, and will stick to the gentleman's method of trouble disposal, arsenic.
10. Auburn: Successfully blows up car, but bursts into flames and perishes due to flammable, booze-scented Pat Dye fumes in clothing.
11. Georgia: Blows up car successfully. [OFFER NOT GOOD IN JACKSONVILLE.]
12. Kentucky: Kentucky does not blow things up successfully. Ever.
*Not old yet. Nope.