HE'S WORKING ON THE PITCH MAN THING. Though even if you hate Tim Tebow, you must appreciate the reminder of the impending arrival of NCAA 2011, which if this video is any indication will feature more players making the Wolverine face and pumping their fist.
BULLETIN SEXY GIRL REQUIRES YOUR ASSISTANCE. He's in the second round, he's real, and he's spectacular: Lane Kiffin's second round bout with Danica Patrick may be even more lopsided than his first round blowout of Natalie Gulbis, but let's take no chances, m'kay? Vote early and vote often, since the internet is Chicago 1960 and the votes must be delivered no matter the price.
This will result in a GoDaddy ad where sexy Lane is pulled over by Ed Orgeron in a leather biker suit. Mark our words now.
BUT WILL HE WRITE AN INFLAMMATORY COLUMN ABOUT HIS OWN POOR COACHING? Your media coach this year for the Alabama spring game will be Paul Finebaum. Those Auburn fans who have not reversed polarities on the "WE KNOW UR ON THERE SIDE" Finebaum-o-meter, please do so now. You're about three years late if you haven't. Finebaum would ideally call both sides if he could, but you already knew that.
WELL-STRUCK, SIR. It's not "Space, Bitches," but it's still quite well-done.
NEW COACHING SCHPIELS. Of varying quality in the form of Tony Barnhart giving Skip Holtz the fluffy puff treatment, and Brian Cook suggesting that Tennessee is the new Michigan, but not in that good way like "Michigan '97," and more like the "Cote d'Ivoire is the new Sierra Leone" meme floated by IR people a few years ago. If Precious can keep the Vols semi-competitive over the next three years, it would be all the resume he'd ever need, because the Kiffin hiring/saga/debacle will go down as the most damaging coaching hire of the decade. B-Cook, he never lie, even when writing about TENNESSSEEEEEEE.
TAKE HEED OF THIS VERY IMPORTANT NEWS. Your eighth place Big Ten team--middle of the conference if they expand to 16 teams--WILL HAVE A BOWL SEASON HOME. Resume sleep and normal unpanicked daily activities, unless you'd like to panic over the assumed and old notion of bowls picking teams based on their popularity, and not their record. If you'd like to do that, there's also some lead paint chips we've been meaning to feed to someone, and you look like just the man for the job.