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TURNER GILL BANS CURSING AT KANSAS

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Turner Gill, motherfucking football coach, has fuckin' banned profanity at the University of Kansas' motherfucking football practices. 

"Shit," said one player asked about the policy change. "Don't fuckin' quote me on that." 

Gill, hired during a real piss-shitter of a coaching search to replace fat fucking bastard Mark Mangino, is being paid a shitload of money to take over a Kansas program worth jackshit prior to Mangino's positively fucking huge ass putting the fucking program on the goddamn college football map. Mangino was totally fucking fired for being a dick to his players, accusing them of being total fucking losers, and generally being an asswipe of immense fucking magnitude. 

Gill is fucking seeking a break from that culture, and it's totally fucking understandable. 

"It probably doesn’t have to be this way," Gill said during a recent speech in Lawrence, in response to a question about how he selected his assistant coaches, "but I decided that I was not going to hire anybody who was going to be cursing and using that type of language. We are here to develop these people as young men, so we don’t need to do that."

"Fucking-A," said Kansas Governor Mark Parkinson. "We're all about family values and all that shit here in Kansas, and it's real damn hard to do that shit when you're too busy throwing the f-word around. You know, 'fuck.", and not fist-fucking, because that's a common fucking misunderstanding depending on the bitches you're talking to. Right fuckin' on, Coach Gill. Way to be a motherfucker in charge."  

Other boosters and Kansas alumni totally fucking echoed the decision. 

"Shit yeah i like it," said one booster who didn't want us to print his goddamn name in the fucking article. "Turner's dick-slapping this program into shape like no other motherfucker could. He's totally showing what fucking balls he has. Hell, I'll stop fucking cussing if he wants me to. That's just how fucking inspiring he is." 

Gill made the remarks at some fucking Leadership Lawrence meeting kind of shit. The goddamn Jayhawks start their fucking spring practice on March 21st.