Lane Kiffin will always be so much more than a woman to us. He's like the best driver ever, an offensive mastermind, a spectacular dresser, a ladykililng doofus-lothario, a master of the moral victory, a shit-talking prat, Petrino without the brain...all this and the man who will drag USC back into Paul Hackett-dom, and that's if they're lucky enough to dodge serious penalties from the NCAA in the Reggie Bush case. (They will, because this is the 21st century and we're talking about the NCAA.)
He could be so much more with your help: he could be Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive, if only you'd go over to their brackets and vote. He's currently facing Natalie Gulbis, and like WHO IS THAT COMPARED TO BIG BALLS LANE? No one, that's who, which means you need to quickstep on the mouse and do your duty by voting America's Most Exciting Coach With A Losing Career Record (Including the NFL) into the next round, the next, and eventually to the finals.
Additional note to Esquire writer who thought of this: we want to kiss you on the mouth for this in the straightest way possible. Be sure to vote in the others, too, in order to soften up the bracket. ERIN PAGEVIEWS is going up against Danica Patrick, who we suggest you vote for since the throngs of internet men what crave ERIN PAGEVIEWS would be difficult to vanquish once that particular snowball gets rolling downhill.