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USA Today-sized edition today! 

TRAGIC BUT UNAVOIDABLE. No one rushed to his aid: the collapse was inevitable, and plus getting up to walk all the way over there risked the possibility of a stubbed toe, pulled hamstring, or being in the wrong spot when a meteor crashed through the ceiling. 


(via screencap god @bubbaprog) 

RIP, Craig James. We'll mourn you till we join you. PS: ropes kill middle-aged men. Keep them away from them by placing them in a nearby shed for safety's sake. Additional people to keep away from rope: Texas A&M fans, who will either use it on themselves this morning after watching their defense collapse in the second half, or on Mike Sherman just because this seems to be how things go under His Hipness.  (Doc Saturday's image of Jerrod Johnson is fitting: he was eerily reminscent of Jamarcus Russell in his ability to both revive and then ultimately kill the Aggies' chances over, and over, and over again.) 

WE'RE SORRY BUT AS SWINGERS WE PROMISE NO EXCLUSIVITY. The French had a Cold War policy of "All Azimuths" when it came to nuclear attack policy: when the moment came, it was bombs away in all directions since France ultimately trusted no one when it came to the Big one. Thus is Florida with rivals, which means claiming any rival as our biggest right now undermines our core strategy of "FINGERS SHOT IN ALL DIRECTIONS." 

BIG TEN DADA. You can choose the Iowa Shakespearean variety, or the Northwestern kind. The Orson Welles video at the end of the Bring Us Your Champions post will make the lid of your skull levitate a full three inches off your ears. 

THE PERFECT SPREAD QUARTERBACK: Chris writes him some pretty philosophicalness on the perfect spread quarterback, and also name-checks Woodrow Dantzler, which is always smiled on in these parts. 

NO REALLY THAT'S AN IMPRESSIVE WORD, LES. It figures Les Miles would just pull out the word "scotoma" when you least expect it. It's the fake field goal of vocabulary words!