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PIRATES POSSIBLY LOOKING AT COACHING MAYONNAISE

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That's mayonnaise, and there's nothing wrong with mayonnaise. In fact, it's delicious as a side dish, especially if you're Belgium-ing it and doing the fries/mayo/beer combo, which is sublime and heart-stopping in both the good and bad way. We've even eaten mayonnaise on eggs, and contain just enough northern European DNA to say that it was good, but would have been better with some herring and heavy cream involved. BLTs without it are positively arid and prone to shredding the roof of your mouth like a crew of tiny ninjas let loose in your mouth with rusty katanas. Mayonnaise is the tits of condiments, and there shall be no dissent.

You don't, however, want it coaching your football team, East Carolina. (See: Mike Shula, the mayonnaise of coaches.)