-Mention of Stoops’ brothers obvious brotherhood
-”Mr. Suh”
-Suh gets tackle
-Three sips if any announcer makes reference of Cody Green being “more athletic” than Zach Lee.
-Combined announcing crew goes WHOA WOOO OHHHHH after a hit.
-Erin Andrews is groped by a coach unnecessarily< ---stop there is no necessary groping you sick, sick people
--If someone says "Vuna Tuihalamaka"
--Drink TWICE if someone mispronounces "Vuna Tuihalamaka"
--At mention of AFLAC
--Every time Erin Andrews says "guys"
Gulp/Shot:
--Awkward mention of Craig James' son
--One of Chris Fowler's sly puns appears
--Suh sack/INT/murder of lesser species
--Nebraska somehow gets a first down
--Each time the Hunter Lawrence field goal goes through the uprights on replay
--Suh sack
--Zach Lee does something good (subject to judges' interpretation)
--Zach Lee destroyed on option play
--If you hear the words "House of Spears."
--For every reference to the brothers Pelini and Stoops friendship, Cardinal Mooney High School, Youngstown Ohio, or how Mark Stoops was a groomsman in Bo Pelini’s wedding.
--For mention of the 1998 Holiday Bowl between Arizona and Nebraska.
The best thing written about the entire Leach saga is not, sadly, our rapid-fire analysis over at SBNation. It is instead a short but savage remix of A Few Good Men posted by horninok on a Rivals board. (Via Darren Rovell.) We’re reproducing it here because it is beautiful, uncopyrighted, and needs to be shared with the masses, but please: this is message board genius at its finest.
A FEW GOOD PIRATES
Gerald Meyers (Tech AD): *Coach Leach, did you order the Code Shed?* (more…)
Leach fired. Texas Tech are officially the stupidest motherfuckers on the face of the planet. New head coach announced: Craig James, of no coaching experience, ability, or prior aspirations to be a head coach. Jesus Jack Daniels Christ, there’s analysis to follow, but Texas Tech just ate a hand grenade salad, shat out the pins, and then gave the thumbs-up as the whole mess rumbled in their belly.
The court that heard Mike Leach’s attempted injunction against Texas Tech will, according to Double T Nation’s communal open thread, likely rule on the move later. Later means “not now,” which seems odd because the game is on January 2nd, it’s the 30th, and no one but the most depraved of college football bloggers will be at work in the interim. If the judge would like a ruling, we have determined that Leach is awesome, that we hate authority, and that Texas Tech is totally to blame for all of this. We only hope Leach had the sense to wear the appropriate formal wear to the hearing.
We also do not have pictures of this, but want them very badly:
* It should be noted that Nutt was wearing an all-white Ole Miss track suit at today’s press conference that was pretty awesome in a strange sort of way. He looked like a cross between John Travolta and Speed Racer.
Or like a honky-tonk angel on a mission from God. That’s what we think you meant to say.
Last year’s experiment went so poorly we simply had to do it again: tonight sees the return of the Pacific Life Holiday Drinking Game, itself a modification of the live Independence Bowl Drinking Game from 2007 and a holiday tradition ensuring that you both begin and end the year feeling equally poisoned on both ends.
The rules, as always, are open until gametime and subject to reader suggestion and the whims of the moment. Some modifications, however, are necessary to prevent you and your hosts from seeing the Pacific Life Whale metaphorically jumping from your mouth borne aloft by a tide of booze and whatever snack food you ingest along with the broadcast beverage.
1. No “Drink for Whale.” My god, this can’t be overstated. One of the worst hangovers of our adult lives came from drinking every time we saw the Pacific Life Whale, since there are no fewer than five different whale graphics on the field itself, a Pacific Life whale on every commercial break, and one on the pop-up graphics for the game. We taste Absolut Limon every time we see that fucking cetacean shitbag drag his fat ass out of the water and lazily bellyflops onto the water. Who’s been a fan of rampant, indiscriminate Japanese Whaling ever since? THIS GUY.
2. Team dependent ones are preferred. For instance: lingering shot of Nick Foles’ flowing locks? DRINK. Ndamukong Suh gets a sack? BIG DRINK. Nebraska scores a touchdown on a drive of longer than fifty yards? FINISH ENTIRE BOTTLE. It’s not happening.
3. Announcer dependent ones are good, as well. Oh, the fun of calling this one with Craig James in the booth when his son is alternately being pitied for false imprisonment/accused of being a spineless little prince by his detractors. Chris Fowler smells broadcasting magic, and Jesse Palmer will cluelessly ask James how his son’s doing on air. Erin Andrews will be on the sidelines, and that never generates any internet discussion at all.
Jacory Harris was sacked five times, hobbled around for most of the second half like a young Jason White, and Miami seemed stunned by live Wisconsinites using a rare and exotic position called “the tight end,” a kind of hybrid lineman/receiver capable of both blocking and catching the ball. 13 of 19 Badger completions went to the tight ends, a number Wisconsin could have doubled if they’d really wanted to thanks to Miami’s inability to stop the play-action pass and the devastating running of Ball and Clay. These are all specious, unnecessary details devoid of the science Nessler and Blackledge dropped on their audience, which was that it was at least 50 degrees in Orlando, and that FREAKED MIAMI OUT SO MUCH THEY HAD TO LOSE. That’s a much better explanation than “Wisconsin kicked Miami’s ass.”
Stop Hatin’. Texas Tech WR coach Lincoln Riley on Adam James, via Joe Schad:
“Two practices before Adams James claimed he had a consussion, Coach Leach and I were forced to discipline him for poor effort from the previous practice and poor effort during the early drills of that day. This has been a common theme about Adam’s work ethic and attitude during his entire career … He complained to me that we were not doing our jobs as coaches and that his effort was just fine … I have no doubt that anger from this led to where we are today with this situation and is his way of trying to ‘get back’ at us coaches.”
We’re turning this into a cause, dammit.
Bulgarian Customs Inspector To bring Defense to Classic City. Big Chief to Athens might be a possibility, and for large, large assistant money. He won’t go anywhere because he’s stodgy and loyal and old-schooly like that, but he certainly knows the territory well enough to work, and is not a flight risk in event of
The “Official EDSBS Fucking Idiot Files” Grow. If the Mike Leach scandal has done any good, it has come in the revelation of additional data to add to the “Dennis Franchione is officially a fucking idiot” file.
That is indeed so Urban. The stage directions here are the highlight, and that’s by no means damning by faint praise.
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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