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Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Go ahead put me in the closet.

Mike Leach isn't even mad enough to represent himself in court, though his lawyer seems Blackbeard-ish enough for the coach's taste:

"We're going to do everything we can to see that our client is duly served justice and that he's reunited with his boys as soon as possible,'' Liggett said.

Asked how he planned to go about it, Liggett said, "Through the court system, don't ya?''

Yarr to you, Francis Drake of the West Texas judicial system. Leach is going out with blade exposed and fuses lit, and though clearly posted nautical speed limits forbid it, he appears to be approaching ramming speed.

The Avalanche-Journal learned during that investigation Leach did not dispute the facts, but did not believe he had done anything wrong. Leach also told officials James was a slacker and his father was always calling and acting like a Little League dad.

After watching Mangino get scuttled at KU over a finger poke to the sternum and a long record of general dickishness, Leach ain't going easy. When we first heard this yesterday driving in the Mini Cooper Clubman That Induces Coaching Lunacy Every Time It Hits An Interstate, we assumed Leach was bad steak walking. Now, after a day, the hiring of an attorney, the consideration that he's the best Texas Tech football coach in modern history, and former players lining up to support Leach in a manner Mangino's defenders didn't come close to, this ship may not be stuck on the reef after all HEY-O NAUTICAL METAPHORS. Full stream here.

Tim Tebow, Relaxation Therapist. Tim Tebow's going to help Urban Meyer relax, thus not making our job of keeping easy Tim Tebow gay jokes out of the hands of those prone to make them. (His release is slow, too: take off running!) Our interim coach is Steve Addazio, and only the certainty that we will awaken to see Urban return after the spring game sporting an earring, driving a red sports car of some significant price after properly midlife-crisis'ing is keeping us from mainlining drain cleaner right now.

Au revoir, Shreveport. Georgia beat Texas A&M 44-20 in the Independence Bowl, proving definitively that the absence of Willie Martinez is better than the presence of Willie Martinez for a defense. (The addition by subtraction showed on special teams, too, where a key return sparked UGA early.) We listened to it on the radio, where UGA's announcers subtly shat upon the fine city of Shreveport several times whilst never mentioning the bowl tradition of watching dead cattle float down the river at dawn. < ----we may have picked this up from a hack liberal loser journalist's column who is emblematic of all that is wrong with America the youth and the things these days.

Aggie Snuggies. They exist.

The most beautiful Karl Dorrell imitator you'll ever see. UCLA has to go 12-1 over the next year to give Rick Neuheisel the same record as his predecessor had, a clear example of the biased math and facts the LA Times uses to cover UCLA football.