“We don’t need no kicker ’cause we goin’ for two.” Oh, now we know you’re just making shit up, especially with number three receiver Duron Carter out for the Rose Bowl thanks to academics (along with defensive end Rob Rose.)
The intimidating thing in the clip are the ferocious-looking children hanging out with the MC here. Laugh, but you really could beat up far fewer nine-year olds thank you think. Our personal bet was always somewhere around nine of them if they were coordinated, ten if they weren’t, and fifteen if they were disabled in any way. You have to plan for these things, because knowing is half the battle, and who are you to say categorically that you won’t be forced to fight an army of disabled nine-year olds for your life one day?*
Hey, whaddya lookin’ at. I see you, there’s mirrors on my shoes just for this purpose. Walkin’ along last night and my back just went like this. When you’re four hundred and fifty-three this happens-er, “eighty-two.” Yeah, that’s what I meant. Eighty-two.”
(HT: NESN.) In other Big Ten related imagery, Jim Delany is popping his suspenders, talking on his enormous cellphone, and pondering which team to add to this “sports-based cable television broadcasting syndicate” he’s been working on for a while. Because we hold a Ph.D. from Wikipedia University, we know things, things like the growth rates for the Midwest and the states that the Big Ten is in. They’re not good, particularly in Ohio and Michigan, two states gutted by the recession, but they’re better than average in Kentucky, making Louisville a nice add from a growth perspective and from the dual strengths of its basketball and football programs. Pitt’s still the favorite, but if one Big East team doesn’t work out for expansion (now formally being looked into) then another one might work out just as well.
Or you could just start throwing out stupid shit at random, like the suggestions of Texas, Notre Dame, Central Michigan, Ohio and Memphis that have been mentioned elsewhere. (We’re not linking to either of ‘em.) That works pretty well, too.
EDSBS’s ongoing series on bowl games that should be held continues with: The Mogadishu Bowl.
Who: The D-1 teams with the weakest six-win seasons, so go ahead and pencil in K-State and someone else. A bottom tier SEC team would do, as well, though let’s just hope it’s Vandy because ID’ing the bodies will be much easier if the labels are designer brands.
What: The Mogadishu Bowl. Sponsored By The Libertarian Party. The ultimate free-market paradise, Somalia, will partner with the American Libertarian Party in a brand awareness-raising event of unprecedented scope and size: The Mogadishu Bowl, held in the freewheeling, sun-baked, never-a-dull-moment capital of the “beta version”* state of Somalia.
When: December 24th, or the 25th, or the 26th. Time variable due to atmospheric conditions (i.e. RPGs and artillery flying through air.)
Where: Mogadishu, Somalia, the world’s most dangerous city. Specifically, the game will be held in Mogadishu Olympic Stadium, an august edifice whose motto is “The Chinese Built It In The ’70s, So It Must Be Good!” (more…)
ROARGH. Translated from Leavittese to English: I didn’t hit anyone, and I’m disappointed to hear anyone would accuse me of doing such things.
The only source quoted in the Brett McMurphy Fanhouse piece, Paul Miller, the father of the player allegedly slapped by Leavitt in a November 21st halftime locker room incident, said this when interviewed by the St. Petersburg Times on Monday:
“I stand behind the university and Coach Leavitt 100 percent,” Paul Miller said. “I truly believe there was no malicious intent to hit anyone. He grabbed his shoulder pad, but it was like a motivational thing. After talking with Joel, he was satisfied there was not a slap, not at all.”
The father also described any exaggeration of the incident as “total bullshit,” or “total bull—-”, which would be much less striking since you’d have to say all those dashes and it really messes with the lyrical ring of the first version. Leavitt also firmly denies it, John Romano says it might be time for Leavitt to shut down the theatrics a bit, and the forecast of deep and eternal shitfire for Leavitt as a result of the incident is now altered to “a piddling shower preceded by changing testimony and accusations of shoddy reporting.”
Bud Foster likes carrots. The veteran defensive coordinator at Virginia Tech will remain in Blacksburg for “a vault full of carrots.” This seems like a bad deal for Foster due to the low commodity price of the vegetable, but…we’re being informed that’s a “metaphor.” It’s not our fault you’re not writing in English.
Please, no tears on the keyboard. Pat Dooley’s piece on Urban Meyer, whose team won 12 games this year and very nearly played for a national title, will surely tug at the heartstrings of anyone who pities someone who makes millions of dollars a year to coach one of the top football programs in the nation. REQ ORDER #34001 EXAMINE ‘URBAN MEYER’ COACH DROID FOR LEAKS IN CORTEX MANIFOLD REPLACE END TRANSMISSION.
There is this bit addressing the rumor that Billy Gonzales was dismissed due to his knowing about the party that sent Carlos Dunlap into a comfortable nap in the middle of the road in his front seat:
“That’s absolutely not true,” Meyer said. “In fact, that’s the first I’ve heard of that one. Billy left because he was passed up last year for the offensive coordinator’s job (which went to Steve Addazio). It was about the title.”
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Orson Swindle and Stranko Montana are two men pushing thirty who should know better than to run a college football blog, but evidently don't. Both graduated from the University of Florida, and both agree that college football is far too important to be left to the professionals.
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