The Larcrimas Society Recognizes Your Quality Work.
Mark Ingram tearfully accepted the Heisman on Saturday night, and teared up in accepting that while Tim Tebow embraced irony by calling him "pussy" under his breath. Tebow did help him relax before the ceremony by circumcising him in an alley prior to the show, with the discarded foreskin set for use as the new flexible all-weather roof of Alabama's indoor practice facility. We don't care about the Heisman, but Ingram seemed to really, really care about it, and that was nice to see. < ---look not totally heartless.
Stoops. That's the right word for accepting a job with FSU. The elusive third Stoops brother is sighted. Mark Stoops is the new defensive coordinator at Florida State, and will presumably get to the serious work of kicking out the collection of old men sleeping on rocking chairs making up Florida State's defensive staff. Amato's going to be a difficult fight, but remember that he can't corner well. Chase him around a streetsign or support pole a few times until you catch up to him and knock him down from behind. Remember that he has a steeper challenge than expected, since up to a third of the football team is considered learning disabled. No, read that again. That's what it's supposed to say.
Because Jeff George still deserves a shot at the NFL. Turner Gill, already reaping the whirlwind of Kansas ignoring history and fate and choosing someone to lead the program not named "Ron Prince" to lead their football team. Buffalo, you need a coach to continue the progress Gill started, someone who can take momentum and keep it bouncing between the thirty yard lines like a game of Pong. Steve Addazzio is waiting for your phone call, and when he answers it he will click the Bluetooth apparatus in his car, become confused, and crash into a tree. This is standard. Keep talking.
That is a proper score. 122-88. Hal Mumme says that will happen when you start scoring a bit.
CURIOUS INDEX, 12/14/09