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CURIOUS INDEX, 12/11/2009

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Bo Pelini: Coach, shameless melon-shopper.. ESPN's college football awards were last night, Ndamukong Suh won everything, including the Ray Guy Award because he just walked up to Ray Guy, stared at him, and Guy was too terrified to give it to anyone else. (Actually, Georgia's Drew Butler won the Ray Guy Award, but Suh knows what's up.) Complete list of awardees is here, but the show is really about awkward filler and even more awkward live moments like this:

BOKNOWSOGLING

In addition to this, there was a segment with Colt McCoy and Tim Tebow at Disneyworld bordering on the painful, another where Toby Gerhart fended off the affections of Jenn Brown at the global showcase at Epcot (we've all been there,)

Mardy Gilyard is an awesome human being for your human football team. Mardy Gilyard walked out of Brian Kelly's announcement to the team that he was leaving for Notre Dame, and gave the following quote to the AP:

"He went for the money," Gilyard said. "I'm fairly disgusted with the situation, that they let it last this long."

Emotional, sure, but the freakybat receiver later revised his statements to something with a bit more suavity:

Someone will be the valedictorian of his NFL Rookies Press Relations class. This minor fiasco also popped up in the awards ceremony last night, as Chris Fowler asked Kelly about the ND job on air, Kelly refused to answer any and all questions about it, and Fowler excitedly ended the broadcast by telling everyone that Cincy's AD had confirmed it to him. He then vibrated like a honors student who'd caught an incorrect answer on history exam I TOLD YOU IT WAS THE BATTLE OF LEIPZIG MR. TANNER I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU WE GET THE POINTS!!!

All by myyyyseeeeeeeelf... Florida loses another coach with the departure of Billy Gonzales, Florida's wideouts coach and ace South Florida recruiter, to LSU to become "passing-game coordinator." LSU presumably needs this position, or at least someone to remind Gary Crowton about that play he just called, and how it worked, and that they should probably call it again sometime in the next two years.

Gonzales' departure is likely long in coming due to alleged friction on the coaching staff after Steve Addazio was named offensive coordinator over Gonzales, and ho-wee-boy hasn't that worked out well. (Gonzales, though, was nominally the red-zone play-caller this year, as he was last year, so yeah, we still have no idea what the devil happened there.) His likely replacement will be CMU Wide Receivers coach Zack Azzanni, who has a good record with developing wide receivers and a terrible record with facial hair.

Are tOSU's linemen obese? Yes, and officially so, though the defined standards of "obese" likely put every major program's linemen in the same boat. Further proof that being an offensive lineman at any level is a thankless, body-destroying job, and that football will be played with a five-MIssissippi count and one blitz per four downs in the future. (Though they'll probably use something better than the shoe you use for the first down marker in backyard football.)

Go:...and see the most definitive take on the ND coaching situation.