From time to time, a gentleman finds it necessary to mark his territory. Perhaps he decides to do this with the extension of his gloved hand across the shoulder of a comely lass on his flank, or perhaps with the decisive positioning of one's epaulets adjacent in a manner suggesting dominance over another gentleman's lesser attire. Or, mayhaps, one might espy a particularly advantageous spot at the banqueting-table or a choice seat at the opera, so that all below may digest the bounteous sight of a gentleman's fine cufflinks, spotless sleeves, well-cut suit, and rigid, well-buffed top hat soaring above his mustache.
All of this, yes, may be true, but in rare instances that only the keenest of gentlemen should--nay, MUST--revert to the brutal but effective methods of the animal kingdom in order to properly demarcate his lebensraum:
ST. JOHNS – Michigan State redshirt freshman receiver Myles White was charged this morning in St. Johns District Court 65A with urinating in public, a 90-day misdemeanor, and with minor in possession of alcohol, which carries a penalty of $100 plus court costs because it is his first such offense.
We stress that this is a last-ditch effort for the gentleman in distress, and certainly not for a novice without so much as single hair of gray distinction to be found on his dewy pate. Nevertheless, the promise of someone demonstrating such bold decision-making at a young age is to be lauded. With a few years training in Turfman's Academy of Gentlemanly Demeanor and Behavior, much could be made of him.
(HT, stylistically speaking and always: The Foggy Monocle.)
(PS: But was he wearing a tie when he did it?)