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Please, no one got shot in the leg. It is Ohio State/Michigan week, the second most intense rivalry on the boards this week in the college football slate. The first is Florida/Florida International. (Those uppity internacionalistas!) On Our Honor Defend is locked and loaded despite the game involving a.) a surging Ohio State team, and b.) a Michigan team with one leg, five teeth, and a a rusty derringer with one dodgy bullet in it.

Nevertheless, let the fires of hate be stoked OH NO YOU DI-UHNT RIP OUR BANNER.

That is from the 1973 game, a 10-10 tie (BOO) whose on-field hung jury spilled over off the field into the Big Ten voting for the conference representative to the Rose Bowl. Thanks to a series of rule changes and the even records, the decision on who to send to the Rose Bowl came down to a telephone vote of Big Ten athletic directors. They elected to send Ohio State, Michigan fans were outraged, and you are now officially reminded that as loopy as conference tie-ins and the BCS make the current game, it used to be much, much worse.

(Also, we would like to note that if a banner were ripped like that in the Florida/Florida State game, someone's getting shot in the ass, or at the very least the leg to avoid attempted murder charges.)

"I'd rather see a deer get killed than us." Roll Bama Roll's "It's Meltdown Time" features Auburn this week and a sterling collection of fearful invective leading up to the Iron Bowl in two weeks. There is quality angst all around, but this is the pick of the litter:

Get ready for another Daniel Moore masterpiece

Can it really be a Bama moment if it's Chris Todd doing the honors? The title "The Giveaway TD" or "The Wide Open Interception" or even "The Ineligible Lineman Screen" have all of the accumulated football glamour of a particularly nasty toenail fungus.

We're wired differently, we suppose. Study reveals that scientists do not understand the wiring of Florida fans at all, since a 63-0 pasting of an opponent is truly the most savory of all god's creations, and no amount of data can tell us we're wrong in assuming this.

Alligator armed GET IT Do not speak ill of Riley Cooper to Tim Tebow, because he says he underthrew what appeared to be two perfectly catchable TD passes against South Carolina to his roommate, and that you won't like him when he's angry. It's not the dropped balls by Cooper that irk; it's the pity passes to Brandon James, who has one hand made of normal flesh, one of stone, and 50/50 chance at catching anything thrown to him.

Paperwork sucks for everyone. It's not the offense, a piddling's the timing. The only upside is that if you wondered where Georgia Tech's old compliance staff landed after their firings, well, now you know: they're in Ann Arbor, evidently.