Courage Wolf suggests you listen to EDSBS Live tonight and join us as we make chicken salad from the chicken shit that is week 12. 9:00 p.m. is when we put on what some people call a basketball hoop, and we call a cockring. Throw away the gum, chew the tin foil, listen here, chat there, and quit being such a pussy. Some call it cancer: we call it week 12, and it’s just something you haven’t ripped through yet.

Luchini fever has clearly broken out among the Vols, who have both engaged in heistin’ merchandise and gunnin’ (of the pellet variety) this week.

Next up in the revival: the heistin’ merchandise portion.

Freshman safety Nyshier Oliver was arrested on November 7 and charged with shoplifting at a department store in West Town Mall.

The police report says Oliver was spotted putting a brown shirt worth approximately $110 in a Dillard’s bag. He was arrested around 1:45 that Saturday.

…the Saturday of homecoming about six hours before the Memphis game, to be precise. We welcome the Vols back to the land of the competitive SEC East teams, and now up their possibility of winning an SEC East title next year thanks to the increased verve and hunger of the youngsters clearly energized by the new regime in Knoxville. DA COACHO HE BE SIPPIN’ ARMAREDDA! DA LANEKIFFUH HE BE SIPPIN ARMAREDDA!

A brief review of the most persistent adwhoring in the commercial landscape for college football this year to date.

Bergwood and Ham/Vincent/Lyingbastardface we don’t even know anymore. I don’t even know who you are anymore, Bergwood and Ham. Or should we call you…Vincent, your real name, Mr. Dick Whitman-I-Blew-Up-A-Guy-In-Iraq-and-took-his-name? That may be a secret only your Allstate agent knows because he is blackmailing you, First Ham unveiled his real name and his marriage, something Bergwood seemed more than justifiably disturbed by (“I don’t want to be your weekend lover, Ham,”) then the two whistled past the graveyard of their relationship by cooking hamburgers off the smoking torso of Bobby Bowden (who says advertising doesn’t offer effective metaphors for understanding the world?) and then finally…the death knell, and the hopeless attention-whoring by Bergwood as a final step to salvage the once-perfect marriage they shared built on Ham’s lie of an identity.

It’s like my naked body doesn’t even get your attention anymore, Ham.

Coldly poking at the hotter, fresher phallic symbols on the grill while ignoring Bergwood? Someone’s laying on the symbolism a bit thick now, don’t you think? (more…)

Mark Mangino is the subject of an internal review by the athletic director at Kansas. This does not mean a literal survey, as in a miniature submarine deployed into his bloodstream to properly assess his health, anatomy, and the actual size of Mangino himself. There is no need for a miniature submarine to do this. An ultralight would do for the purposes of this study, albeit one with an expanded gas tank to cover the expansive territory under study. (If it works for African wildlife research, it will work for Mangino studies.)

From KUSports.com:

Kansas University athletic director Lew Perkins met Monday night with the school’s football players to discuss concerns about football coach Mark Mangino brought to his attention by one of the current players and others with ties to the football program, the Journal-World has learned.

Mangino is legendarily dickish with his behavior, and not just with his players. (With the exception of his more tender, confessional moments.) He probably has had to be this way to get anything done at Kansas, but the logic goes, as Pete says: when you’re winning, dickhead is fine, and when you’re not and bleeding out in the midst of a four game losing streak, it’s not.

The idea of him being in serious trouble due to player unhappiness seems absurd, especially since it takes a real peoplesuit like John Mackovic to make a player insurrection a real possibility. Absurdity is also the key in which life is written like a fine Spike Jones number, so yeah, it’s entirely possible.

Sometimes all you really do on gameday is nothing in particular, which is precisely why this video contains little more than lounging, blinding sunlight, idling around Athens, and asking a nice lady about her Dorito Salad. You heard us: Dorito Salad, bitches. DEAL WITH THAT.

A few observations on tailgating in Athens:

-Athens happens to be a bit more eclectic and hipster-friendly than most college football tailgates period. Pop open a cooler and you will see foofy craft beers. Open an ear and you will hear something other than lite-country and pop-hop, like the fantastic Commodores/Ministry/Run DMC combo we heard across from us in Tent City. Unlike many SEC burgs, football seems to pull in the townie crew in Athens. They refuse to wear the red pants sure, but they still show out in their own way.

-Everything across the board in the Classic City seems to be at a B-plus or B across the board. The food, while not up to the Roman Orgy standards of Baton Rouge, is excellent across the board. The gear, while not on the mobile dining room standards of the Grove or Alabama, is nevertheless acceptably extravagant. (Quoth Paul Westerdawg: “If you can put it on wheels, we’ll do it.) While they don’t splash out on alcohol quite like Florida fans do (and note that this is the only thing Florida fans really go balls-out on, the booze, booze, booze,) the brands are mid to top range and poured with a shamelessly liberal touch, especially the brown stuff.

Like a well-managed NFL salary cap team, Athens’ tailgating necessities are all economically chosen to maximize potential enjoyment, making the scene the king of no single category but the master of the total array. Across the board Dawg fans are the most well-rounded tailgaters we’ve seen, quick with a bottle opener, adept with rapid satellite television array setup, and just menacing enough when you reveal your status as an opposing fan to be amusing.

-Scenery. We’re not just talking about the lascivious kind, either. It’s a beautiful campus with splendid weather, pleasant architecture, and proximity to bars. Trees surround the stadium. Attractive people of both genders are everywhere, so it’s not just the one-sided gawkfest every SEC lady has been through when visiting a place like Alabama. It’s a hair thing, mostly. Ladies can stand a lot of things, but bad hair will throw a woman on the hunt off the scent of even the most majestic mantelope. Like we say in the video: at least Athens offers a lot of different kinds of bad haircuts for one to choose from. As for the women, they are stunning. That is all we can say without sounding like a creepy old bastard any more than we already do.

PS. Check out the Alphabetical comments for the best Cincy/Chick-Fil-A logo illo EVAR.