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James Coley is the recruiting coordinator and tight ends coach at Florida State. In his spare time he flexes at walls, eyeballs chain link fences and accuses them of inconsistency, and walks into nurseries to yell at infants and remind them that life is hard and those who survive it even harder. WHY ARE YOU CRYING BABY BABIES NEED TO DRINK SORROW NOT MILK BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU STRONG.

The all-caps mania is less an exaggeration and more direct mimicry, as the following sample of Coley's work on Twitter will illustrate.

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Killing "misquitos" with an axe, brah: the intensity just wafts off that like a chili fart, or like the smoke off Christian Ponder's freshly incinerated shoulder, coach. We're with you. We're getting out blunderbusses to shoot cockroaches. We're petting dogs with giant cartoonish hands on sticks. We're taking this double decker of ambition under the bridge of championshipness whether the bridge likes it or not. WOLVERIIIIIIIIIIINES!!!

It's all quite entertaining, if in need of occasional rebuttal and clarification. For instance: statement one...

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...and the necessary clarification and correction:

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