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Mickey Andrews will be retiring from his position as Florida State’s defensive coordinator at season’s end, ending an illustrious career spanning five decades and including two national championship defenses for the Seminoles.

An emotional Andrews made the announcement at the Orthopedic and Sports Surgery Convention of North Florida and Southern Alabama, where the longtime defensive stalwart and coaching icon was scheduled to receive a lifetime achievement award in Knee Surgery generation. Andrews was known not only for his hard hitting defenses, but for his defenses’ ability to move the field of reconstructive surgery forward with new and ever-evolving variations of knee damage.

“I can’t tell you how many different knees we had roll through here, but I could always tell which one’s had Mickey’s name all over it,” said reconstructive surgery legend Dr. James Andrews of Birmingham. “They didn’t just tear. By the time they got to me, it looked the way a truck tire had blown up in there, treads flapping and flying all over the place. I owe him a lake house or two, that’s for sure.”

Andrews’ can claim a long list of NFL draftees developed under his supervision, including NFL legends Deion Sanders and Derek Brooks. (more…)

In addition to hiring the driving coordinator potentially saving Georgia players thousands of dollars of fines and missed games annually, Georgia may want to consider a short-term hire in the messaging and media relations department.

Ealey says he doesn’t agree with those who have said the suspension was not stiff enough. He said on Tuesday Spikes “shouldn’t, I think, get suspended at all.”

YOU GOTTA REINVALUTATE YOUR THANKIN’, SON! STAY ON MASSAGE! KEPT TO YUR TALKING PINTS!

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Yeah, we wished we’d thought of that. Though SEC officials have performed on-field abortions on no fewer than three occasions this year, so this story flies in the face of established evidence.

Penn Wagers, seen here preparing to counsel unwed mother Andre Woodson.

The draft follows, along with notes. You’ll hate it, because it’s a poll, and how dare you [holy shit polling complaints are as tiresome compaint goes here.] For the eleven millionth time: due to editing during the draft and saving it, the arrows indicating change in position MAY NOT REFLECT CHANGES FROM LAST WEEK. Don’t let that stop you from complaining about HURR HOW DID YOU MOVE HOUSTON UP 11 TORCHES OUTRAGE GRRRR??!?!??! Never mind the deltas, in other words.

Si, Tejas. They looked the best and played a team without Joe Cox playing quarterback, a team that has Zac Robinson, a real live boy unlike Richtetto’s albino puppet son. Upon losing in Jacksonville Cox was kidnapped by a cruel carnivale, and was forced to perform giddy little musical numbers to crowds of drunken peasants who delighted in his almost lifelike actions. Only late at night, sleeping in a small patch of moonlight on his cage floor, would he recall the kindness of his maker and father. In this version of the story, Coxocchio is eaten by a huge whale named Carlos Dunlap, and suffocates in his belly.

So, yeah. The quality opponent makes a difference here, and they could flip-flop just as easily over the next few weeks.

Boise still over Oregon. Were it not for the head-to-head, we’d have Oregon over them after the Dishumilarassment of USC this weekend, but that’s all we have to go on: what actually happened on the field. The rest is just guesswork based on perceived goodness and the assumption that Iowa has a cornfield of cult-children casting powerful runes to protect their every play this season. Hezekiah, a fifth interception! Fetch the young schoolchild! Their innocent blood will guide Stanzi’s hand in victory. Enoch! More nachos!

The rest: Bloody mess. Get to the bottom and do your own 18-25 and find sheer arbitrary shuffling in every direction. HOW COULD YOU because after a certain threshold in the mid-teens they are all the same team: error-prone, saddled with two losses, and deciding internally between a bowl game named after an insurance, financial services, or tech company or one named after a household product or truck stop.