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CURIOUS INDEX, 10/7/09

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It's all about the Spongebob. Somehow this is leading to a BangBros video with some poor Spongebob toy used in an unspeakable manner, but for the moment the Miami Hurricanes have claimed the square-pantsed bon vivant of Bikini Bottom as their own.

Do they know about his shadowy, possibly homosexual relationship with Patrick, though? If not, the customary greeting of "I BET YOU'RE A HOMOSEXUAL" offered to all other fans from Miami fans could smoke him out if he's not careful. (HT: The Seventh Floor.

Wild-Gator seems a bit redundant. As there's no such thing as a tame alligator, perhaps we'll just call it something like the Midgetwing if Brandon James is in it, or the Vanilla Pillah Killah if white-girl-lovin' Chris Rainey takes the snaps, or the Humbler Fumbler if Emmanuel Moody takes snaps. Terminology aside, one likely snap-eater against LSU will likely be some variation of the Wildcat, a term which Jon Gruden expertly defines as "Hey look it's the wildcat wow it's the wildcat that's the formation where you lineup and call it the wildcat wow." Tebow did practice yesterday, as noted in the post below where he has a giant orange foam helmet.

Sack-less. Yeah brah that's what we called you! SACKLESS. Because LSU has zero sacks since their game against Vanderbilt. They did almost pin Joe Cox in the endzone for a safety, but then Cox spun, ninja-kicked Rahim Alem into the bench, and then masked his superhuman powers by channeling Erik Ainge and throwing a hopeless jump ball out of the endzone. Why was this not called a safety? NINJA MIND CONTROL, that's why.

Bear Woods, aka Camera Spray. ESPN had what would even be considered an inordinate level of loving camera shots of Troy linebacker Bear Woods, who is a.) a redhead with dreads, b.) is named "Bear Woods, and c.) according to that video, wants to be in the NFL and a preacher much like Reggie White, meaning Bear Woods will be censured by a state legislature in 15 years for talking about the gays, and why Asians are so good at the maths. Troy clobbered MTSU 31-7, btw, a score translating into a 40 point victory over Maryland or [insert ACC team here].

Added without description. Who would argue that these men are not indeed jewels shining among us?