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TIM TEBOW'S BLESSED BACK INJURY

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Tim Tebow had a strained back that held him out of contact drills this past weekend. It happened in any number of ways.

--Sprained it avoiding the fevered advances of Gary Danielson in musth.

--Tweaked it while throwing golden calf worshipped by UF MBA students into cauldron of fire.

--Overprayer injury from particularly intense church meeting.

--Recurring soreness from a prior, ill-advised public feat of strength.

--Threw it out after three straight years of making furious love to the game of college football, the only kind of sex he has had.

--Sore from kidney donation to child who would be dead otherwise. No great loss, since Tim Tebow has 4 of every organ, and five if we're talking about testicles.

--Back is actually broken; listed as probable for all 4 quarters vs. Charleston Southern, then good for rest of season.

--He's actually fine, of course, even if he is expecting mixed communication from the sidelines this season. "Blended" would have been a better choice of words, but they want you make pretty football, son, not properly chosen words.