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CURIOUS INDEX, 7/27/09

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Greg Boone's head is harder than yours. The Wildcat will be standard equipment in all collegiate playbooks in one form or another, be it the sanctified WildRebel at Ole Miss, or in whatever Alabama will call the package they work Starr Jackson out of (The Flying Dubose?), or in Florida's numerous single-wingy variants by formation, the WildRebelCatHawg will be as ubiquitous as goal line packages this fall.

Only Virginia Tech's will be called the "Wild Turkey," though, and have a 6' 3", 287 tight end under center. That is Greg Boone, who once told a story about scrambled eggs to a player from Duke.

The eggs being his head, and the scrambling being done by Boone's head, of course. Boone may have suffered some adverse effects from this, though. When asked about whether Virginia Tech could carry the ACC flag of battle into the fray more successfully than Clemson 2008 did, the answer was, "Does Frank Beamer look like he's infected with Tommy Bowden got a bitch mentality?" We're sorry. He did not say that. He actually said this:

"We have been that team," Boone said, "we just didn't win the games we should have."

Meaning you weren't, but don't stop him. He's on a roll.

This story comes courtesy of Mandalsyay quarterbacks, dress code equals mandals, and Georgia Tech's offense is nebulously stoppable. No great shocks or hubbub save the intriguing news of an LSU/UNC opener for the 2010 Holy Shit Chik-Fil-A Is Tasty Kickoff Classic With Polynesian Sauce Game.

(Oh, and UNC's quarterback walks around campus without being recognized. Contrast: being harassed at the gym 13 years after you left your SEC school.)

ALL AVAILABLE ON THE BIG TEN NETWORK! The Big Ten will broadcast its proceedings today live from Chicago, and try to hype it by broadcasting the entire thing on the Big Ten Network. The SEC streamed the whole thing live, so certainly the Big Ten Network would do the same thing WE ARE SORRY CALL COMCAST AND DEMAND THE BIG TEN NETWORK. Or not. Storylines include [NAME REDACTED] speaking rapidly, Joe Paterno whaddya whaddya-ing, promised Tweetage, and other storylines of varying interest. (For instance, here's our favorite summary of Purdue's possible season: "Purdue?" [/raises eyebrow] Thus concludes EDSBS's Purdue coverage for 2009.)

Has he tried Terrance Cody's back? Tebow seeks larger platform for Christ, but why bother when you've lost the all-important Pearlman vote? (Via the necessary and necessarily short-lived Tim Teblog.

Pearlman, in short, finds Tebow's evangelizing creepy and the value of mission work suspect, something we half-agree with from experience: they're not all created equal, and some of them do truly shoddy work overseas. (Necessary logical inclusive: some do great work/some secular agencies do crap work/reality is complex and requires diagrams.) No idea where the Tebow ministry falls in the spectrum, but if it takes investigative reporting, a savvy eye, research, and a trip to the Philippines to accomplish this, then we're safe from ever knowing, because it ain't happening if the sportswriting general public are on the case. Reporters are driving to games rather than flying; a plane trip to Luzon ain't happening.

Hayden Fry, Dada Fisherman. The former Iowa coach might have really, really sucked at fishing. If he wore the white slacks while falling out of said canoe, though, then all is forgiven. Iowa's current fishing illiterate of a coach, Kirk Ferentz, gave a lengthy interview with Marc Morehouse, and officially gave you permission to hit him with a baseball bat.

You never say never, but if you see me with a Twitter account, just hit me with a baseball bat. Go ahead, take a whack at me.

He goes on to say that it's the most useless invention in the history of the universe, a patently false statement as the most useless or awesome invention ever depending on your perspective was "Balloon Propelled By Eagles OR Vultures, Patent Number 86307, Issued 1887."

We howlin' and shit. Someone not only cares about Arkansas State football; no, someone cares deeply enough to mock its promotional video. "I'm warning you, ma'am. This note contains...language."