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TEXAS A&M'S BREAK-IN SOLVED

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Texas A&M's locker room mystery has been solved, and the "Eyes of Texas" left in tape on the floor was all a clever ruse by a disgruntled employee administrators refuse to name. We have no guesses as to who this could be, either, but Mike Sherman does have one goal for this season: to see every last member of the team in blubbering tears:

.He said a big priority has been "recruiting the right guys" to the program and that, "When we do lose a game, I want guys with tears in their eyes."

Now that's setting reasonable goals, especially if you recruit the mentally unstable. (It worked for Oklahoma in the mid-80s.) . If you'll pardon us, we have to go back to mooning over Urban Meyer, who's on stage right now. We think we got the lettering written the right way across our eyelids. It does say "LOVE YOU" when we blink, right?