CURIOUS INDEX, 7/23/09

Dirty, twitchy blogger. Sometimes having a bottomless well of coffee right outside of the room where you're working is not a good idea, as all the twitching and almost Dan Mullen-esque pace demonstrate.

Al.com is continuing to cover this like it's Fashion Week, so follow along. For the more ADDitive of you, take the rocket to Brainsaladtown on Twitter. We're driving that train with an eyepatch on and half in the bag, so best strap in tightly.

Zipp Duncan Would Like to Offer You Some Mouthwash. Zipp Duncan's quote yesterday about which fans were the drunkest between his two picks, Florida or South Carolina fans. "South Carolina. It was a Thursday night game, and they were fired up. I don't know how they kiss their mothers with those mouths." He also has the name of a fictional star college player of the 1930s, as in "Zipp Duncan, All-American from Villanova, who went on to serve with distinction in Burma with Stilwell and then founded a successful dentistry practice in Harrisburg, PA."

Herbstreit engaged in field position struggle with Tax-as A&M Better known as the IRS: Herbstreit donated a house on his property to the local fire department for training purposes, a badass move because you a.) get to watch your house burn down without actually losing anything, really, and b.) because you might be able to have your own moment of glee running through the house with a flamethrower beforehand. Not badass, of course, is getting into a tax dispute with the IRS five years after the fact over the $330K deduction you took on it. The prevailing moral of this story being: if you get the chance to set your own house on fire for a good cause that will come back to bite you in the ass, make sure you do it with a flame thrower naked and laughing maniacally. Because that's the only way it can possibly be worth it.

Market correction: Wazzu is no longer going to be in the Fulmer Cup leading back, and falls back to the peloton thanks to the dismissal of charges in the 12 pointer against the Cougars. Corrections to be noted on Monday, when the Fulmer Cup Arithmetic All-Stars finally crack out the Texas Instruments Wiz-A-Tron and get our totals straight.

Boise State gins up for their big game against Oregon. In case you need a reason to thank your ghostly horned-god overlords for letting you crawl another day on the pockmarked face of this scorched earth, remember that not only do you get football in 42 days, you get it in pretty good quality with Boise State v. Oregon on the Smurf blood-stained turf in Boise. Praise to you, Ramgod.

But SPIES ARE EVERYWHERE AND PREPARING TO SPOIL ALL THAT IS GOOD. Broncos lineman Michael Atkinson--a fiendish Canadian bent on destroying our nation from the inside out!--set his evil plan in motion by hitting a traffic barrier, a very assault on what our nation holds dearest: things designed to keep people from killing themselves in spectacularly stupid ways. He was booked for DUI, took a mugshot where he looked like a sleepy baby, and earns three points for Boise in the Fulmer Cup, because blowing a 0.15 at 270 pounds is a DUI with some Old Bay seasoning on it.