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CURIOUS INDEX, 7/9/09

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Worry. Oh, worry worry worry. This whole commercial is much funnier if you imagine it with a human arm, handgun, or dildo as the dog's prized possession.

Actual Youtube results for this: zero Ladies and gents, a day in the life of former Auburn linebacker Trey Blackmon:

2:11 Searched "Tray Blackmon is a terrifying and large mother fucker" on Youtube. 12, 345 hits.

2:22 Watched myself destroy Glenn Coffee. Full mast.

Little Ball of Hate won't be terrifying at all, because he plays in the CFL. We should go back to bed.will be quite terrifying all day for Auburn this fall, just as he's been since he got there. Big Ball of Hate is currently in the Alachua County Jail awaiting a hearing on cocaine possession charges after wrestling six cops during his arrest. (But can he play defensive tackle?)

HOOOOOWEEEEE. Got me a tv show! Me and Jevan Snead gonna do jokes in a cornfield! WOOOOOGIGGITY.

Secondary violations: They're everywhere, and sometimes they involve Nickelback, and sometimes Brian Cook gets a hold of that pony and rides it 'till it dies and collapses in a heap. "Hawaii: guilty of "preposterous apostrophization"' That's how a man gets the James Cook treatment at the hands of the natives, Brian, aka the "Kinetic Cranially Applied Mahalo."

Reduced: Fulmer Cup points for Lavunce Askew of Arkansas, whose charges were dismissed this week. Four points come off the books for the Razorbacks, a move likely taking them off the big board.

RIP. Ja'Quavin Smalls of Western Carolina died during an offseason workout in Cullowhee, NC. The workout was his first as a Catamount after transferring from Georgia Military College. He complained of cramping, and was stretching on the side when he collapsed.