CURIOUS INDEX, 5/28/09

"That really hurt..it kinda sucks..."...and according to Minnesota's media guide, it did not happen.

The reporter's funereal tones are delicious here. Anyway, unlike last week's quasi-bullshit story about Notre Dame completely whitewashing Charlie Weis' record in the ND media guide, this appears to be complete non-oversight excision in action.

In an only tangentially related note, Play4Brew, Coach Brewster's site, has the cleverest subtle marketing tool to possible recruits: a built-in player streaming Minneapolis rapper Atomsphere's "Shhh" and Gopher fight songs and highlight clips. The gesture's nice, but hope they don't pay attention to the lyrics:

Got trees and vegetation in the city I stay
The rent's in the mail and I can always find a parking space

and...

The nightlife ain't all that, but that's okay
I don't need to be distracted by the devil every day

Andre Debose, like many top recruits, had "ample parking" and "ain't-all-that" nightlife listed high on his preferences of what to look for in a school.

37 points seems vulgar, and awesome. Um...it won't be this lopsided, unless it is. You don't really understand this. You know it, but you won't understand it until it happens: if Florida gets up, you will not want to watch what happens. Oh, sure, you want to see a zombie exorcism until you get in the room and start actually watching it happen. Then you ask yourself, "Oh, wait. What was I thinking? This is horrifying," and run for the door screaming. The only ones left in the room will be Florida fans, and we will be pantsless and pleasuring ourselves in unholy ways. (So, pretty much what happens half the time anyway.)

Hey, now, Arkansas is a conference game. Adjusting for schedule, Boise State had the worst discrepancy between their own talent and their opponents' in 2008, but you can't blame them too much, as the WAC remains the WAC. (Double free points to all customers all Saturday long, and on some Thursdays, too!) Florida
is on the list, since we feel the need to fill the pockets of Gainesville towing companies with a luxurious 12th game against the Charleston Southerns of the world. It also pays for big GATOR FACE FLASH ANIMATION GROWL.

Since no one's talking about them, they might be quite good. Athlon has Cal at 11. We will believe any ranking if you have Jahvid Best on your team, because he is pure terror in compression shorts and a helmet. Also, unlike prior years, there's very little early static about their potential excellence, meaning they might actually do pretty well. YOU DIE AND GO TO HELL ATHLON SHHHHHH.

Suck it, boyo. JoePa on Notre Dame joining an expanded Big Ten in the land of the lurid hypothetical:

"There's some pressure, I would suppose, to maybe go back to Notre Dame and ask again, which I would not be happy with," Paterno said. "I think they've had their chance."

Notre Dame can probably live with the heartbreak of not having to deal with the biggest dickface in the universe and his magnificent network. Currently airing? 2003 Michigan at Minnesota, football. Why continue this charade: the only reason we find the Big Ten Network to be such a convenient punching bag is its dickface architect, Jim Delany, and the fact that the Big Ten is very kickable right now. Put Arkansas Kentucky 2003 on at 9:30 in the
morning, and we're totally watching all seven overtimes happily. (Jumping snake-handing Jesus: DeCori Birmingham had 196 yards in that game on 40 carries. Matt Jones had 112 yards, but his stamina was slightly aided, ifyaknowwhattameancocaine.)