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I PROMISE THAT THESE WILL BE THE MOST EMOTIONAL MEAT PRODUCTS YOU'LL EVER TASTE

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Hey, folks. I'm Vince Young, and I want you to eat my meat! Vince Young Foods announces its custom line of meat products, a product line guaranteed to give you the most emotional mouthful of meat you've ever had!

From our tasty Bawling Brisket, to our succulent Ribs of Regret, to our delectable Suffering Sausage, I, Vince Young, guarantee you won't have a more temperamental or unpredictable dining experience than my custom line of meat. Put it in the freezer for up to four years to enjoy the erratic flavor, but after that? Who knows what you'll get? THAT'S PART OF THE FUN.

As for health?

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That numbness and tingling you're feeling on left side? That's the sadness and confusion getting into your veins! TASTE VINCE YOUNG'S MEAT AND YOU TASTE HIS SORROW PEOPLE! And it's the tastiest sorrow in all ah Texas.

(Vince Young Meats, the best college football meats ever, are available in Texas only, and tend to spoil when shipped elsewhere. ORDER NOW.)