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CURIOUS INDEX, 5/22/09

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Finish! Finish! Of particular interest in this: Sam Robey, the freshman who will likely start at center. He's number 50 in the next-to-last tussle with 91, Earl Okine, one of the strongest dudes on the team and a possible contributor at tackle after getting so huge he could no longer be placed at defensive end without audible gales of laughter from reason and language.

Lane Kiffin likes you to life weights his way...WITH SASS!!! Tennessee may have lost their strength and conditioning coach just six months into the job, a result of "philosophical differences" between Kiffin and Mark Smith, former South Carolina s'n c coach.

Smith: But then, under deep structure, we undermine Wittgenstein completely. You're still mired in a neo-Platonism openly defiant of observed detail and data, Coach?

Kiffin: I refuse to be a slave to the elements, Coach Smith. And I don't know if I can have such a nihilistic materialist on my staff.

Smith will likely be replaced by Aaron Ausmus, former Ole Miss weight guy. Orgeron is slowly becoming the flash-fried cayenne-flavored Cheney to Kiffin's Bush, and will be conducting the business of the program from deep inside a mountain bunker by the time this is all over.

Tickets will start at $8000 a piece. Well, why not.

Oh, you bet your ass it's slow. If Robert Marve doing anything besides getting involved in a car accident can merit news coverage, we have entered the doldrums. He'll be going to Purdue, where he can look forward to the same things he was used to at Miami: sun, beautiful scantily clad women, and an idyllic, responsibility-free Isle of Capri for the spoiled young athlete. Correction: that should be "Math and sweatshirts."

From Flubby: Does the cake taste like violence and fried meat? You bet yo ass it do, chere.