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CURIOUS INDEX, 5/12/2009

Buckle up and drive smart, Kentucky! Rich Brooks wouldn't send his players out to the field without a helmet, so why don't you wear one with a full lineman's cage when you drive, Kentucky resident?

So you're saying I need to wear a helmet when driving. Got it. Look for a complete misunderstanding of this ad as more Kentucky drivers are severely injured in accidents they got into thanks to limited disability due to the helmet, which does keep their heads perfectly intact in otherwise horrific accidents.

You are actually reading this. Ty Willingham will be the special teams and running backs coach for the UFL's San Francisco team. The UFL is a football league planning to fill the void football leaves when it only has the NFL and college going on simultaneously in October, that deep absence you feel craving more, more, more football in the heat of...October. Willingham and his new head coach Denny Green sound like just the men for the job.

Unless you need something lifted a foot off your chest. For that job and anything requiring a combination of great strength and ability to barefoot waterski, and in that case you'll need number one on Jeremy Fowler's list of the five fittest coaches. We'd take Carroll over [REDACTED] for sheer athleticism, though Randy Shannon's constant diet of sorrow and terror probably keeps him pretty lithe and active, too.

Flowers: they say so much. Lane Kiffin should send them to Pahokee High, but considering how things have gone for him re: interpersonal communications, he would probably pick a variety provoking a fatal allergic reaction to the recipient.

If you haven't, do......check out Phil Steele's spring download, JAMPACKED with data. Um...actually, that's the best keyboard cat video ever. This is Phil's spring download. They're so easy to confuse.