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Joe Barton, don't forget that if you're going to compare the BCS to communism, you must remember the important bit about Communism only turning a profit in the key departments of dead body production, grotesque architectural feats, and fantastically bombastic national anthems. College football has two out of the three, and if it's a night game in Baton Rouge, it actually has all three, but that's besides the point. Communism doesn't make money, it wastes it on things like badass parades, unkillable Spetznaz units, kickass train stations, legions of firm-thighed womanflesh for the politburo types and national heroes, exploding nuclear power plants, cannons that fire attack bears, impractically large nuclear weapons.

(Um, why did they stop doing this? Because this sounds incredible. I want to lie, but this sounds like everything I want in a society. Seriously answer this question in the comments, and we will drive our rental PT Cruiser to your house and rip your balls off. NO ONE CONQUERS AFGHANISTAN, people--not even the Afghanis.)

Barton then went on to criticize the BCS for acting based solely on greed, solidifying Barton's status as one of American's boldest leaders in fighting the brave fight against both coherence and any elemental understanding of economics whatsoever.

You made John Swofford sound like the adult in the room, and that takes a special, double-spicy kind of inept, sir. 100 COCKTAILS TO YOU from the blissful proletariat ruled the BCS. After all, you can't spell Communist Party without Party. And no, the cocktails aren't poisoned--that's more of a post-Soviet, evil KGB-Gazpromopoly Putin thing to do. They just like to shoot you in the head around here.