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CURIOUS INDEX, 4/8/09

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They keep it nasty in Minnesota. Minnesotans sound so cute when they curse and wave knives. Oh jeez you betcha. Got my license right here AHHH STABBED IN FACE.

The Asian guy running toward you screaming with a machete gets "This represents imminent danger for sure." Genius in narration, thy name is Minnesota police training video! If Tim Brewster can get these people to do football motivational videos, the Gophers are going to be positively stabby this fall.

* [REDACTED] The asterisk is coming down, per Tim Griffin's reporting. The bonuses, however, will stay. Mack Brown claims to have known nothing about this, and may not have--given his status as crusin' CEO-type coach, it's probably shocking how many things go on every day that he doesn't know about. For example? No clue about Will Muschamp's man-on-bear fighting pit beneath the covered practice facility. Shhhhhhh! (motherfucker!)

Strike two and you're out. In truth, there were many, many more counts against Demetrice Morley-so many it would be hard to say which single instance of being late to practice and otherwise not fulfilling his responsibilities eventually got him the boot from Tennessee. Morley was a first-rank recruit coming in. He is now a college dropout with dependents and no job or degree. This is called fucking up. Learn it. Recognize its signs.

You know what compartment syndrome is? It's rare, it happened to UCF's Cory Hogue, and it sounds like a Conestoga Wagonloadful of suck.

Onward endless speedsters, onward. Florida breaks in the next generation of scarily fast receivers. Ho-hum lightspeed.