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Hopefully a generous new asshole has been torn for the craptacular moron-drama networks like to set up around sporting events. Remember, it's not a fairy tale until someone dies, is put into a trance, is transformed into some kind of hideous beast, or is trapped in a bottle forever. And if all of these happens in a single person's life...well, you could only call him by one name, then.

He is...the most interesting man in the world: Schnellenberger. Stay thirsty, my friends.