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YOU DON'T HAVE TO, REALLY

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According to David Whitley, you're lucky you get any Florida State coverage at all:

It used to be the same in Tallahassee. Now when Bobby Bowden walks off the practice field, he is usually greeted by the Sentinel's Andrew Carter, someone from the Tallahassee Democrat and maybe a couple of students working part-time for state papers.

Whitley then goes on to bemoan how this is a result of Florida moving the needle more than the Seminoles at the moment, and how this will lead to the end of democracy as we know it, dogs driving limousines over fields of innocent babies, and the sun turning purple and winking at all of us shortly before exploding and obliterating the entire universe.

It is surely it is all exactly this serious without exaggeration, but if you would like Florida State coverage, we have the perfect solution. Just go to Rivals.com or Scout, who are more than happy to share the evolving depth chart, complimentary team news, and bits of interesting but non-threatening team gossip, and then throw in random quotes from a Foghorn Leghorn cartoon. See, it works:

FSU's quarterbacks performed well in the scrimmage, something coach Bobby Bowden said was a result of all the hard work the Seminoles had put in over the course of the spring.

"Now that old hound dog is an awful pest. He barks so much I get no rest! That old hound dog ain't got no sense," Bowden said of the competition at the position this spring. "Oh, doggie, you gonna get your lumps."

Florida State's spring game is on Saturday.

See? You're missing nothing. It reads like every other article on Florida State football you've ever read. As for the accusation that Florida State fans won't ever read anything honestly critical about their program, two points. One: fans typically don't believe anything negative written about their program anyway. Two: anyone who thinks fans themselves aren't critical of their teams and more than willing to traffic in rumor despite the best efforts of administration and media to quell those rumors missed the entire Houston Nutt debacle.