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CURIOUS INDEX, 3/27/09

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That's new. South Carolina walk-on Dustin McElroy may walk himself off the team after going all Jarkko Ruutu on someone in a fight in Columbia.

McElroy didn't just bite someone in a bar fight--he bit the living fuck out of a guy to the tune of felony charges:

Police say McElroy grabbed a man who was trying to break up the fight, put him a bear hug and bite him on the left cheek and left him with a severe facial laceration.

That means, like, teeth meeting and stuff. South Carolina gets five points in the Fulmer Cup for the felony assault charge, the property damage charge, and the bonus point for biting a man so hard in the face you get a felony charge. May Tebow have mercy on your soul.

But Mike's still in the cage, right? TELL US HE'S IN THE CAGE. LSU suffered damage to the roof of their practice facility in a violent spring storm in Baton Rouge. The plan for future indoor practices is to have Herman Johnson stand over the building to shield the team from the rain in event of future showers until repairs are complete.

Sooner Screws Himself Out of a Scholly. Justin Chaisson, 2009 Oklahoma signee at defensive end, showed excellent pursuit in following his girlfriend in a car, displayed good tackling form by catching up with her and threatening her with a screwdriver, and then finished the play by wrapping her up, putting her in his car, and driving off for a bit before eventually releasing her. No word on whether this will affect his scholarship, but big crazy white defensive end with excellent relationship skills? Nebraska is fully erect at hearing these words.

He's currently tackling the shit out of Knowshon Moreno in a grocery store. No one's sure where Brandon Spikes is, though Urban Meyer says he's off to tend to a family matter.

Aged 17 Years In A Whiskey Barrel For Your Pleasure. Johnny Majors returns to Tennessee after a 17 year boycott, no one really notices all that much, and he gets confused when told that the ball boy over there is in charge, and not him. Shhhhh. Don't tell him. The shock may be too much for him to process.