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CURIOUS INDEX, 3/23/2009

And the library's cool. Since the entire college football universe has descended into the slow heat death of pre-spring, we remind you that when the season opens up, you must not forget the oddity of game one at the JerryDome, the BIGGEST TITTIES IN ALL A STADIUMDOM: Oklahoma versus Brigham Young University.

As nice as it undoubtedly will be to watch a game from seats made of pure platinum, it's a shame the game won't be played in Provo. You can't really drink there, but man, the buildings are so cool.

At practice: The Tahd, who reconvene for further processing today; Michigan is in full swing and working on special teams; How many windsprints Coach Gundy well of course the total is FORTY; Auburn is practicing, hallelujah, hallelujah.

Go-go-gadget legs! Charlie Weis will be on the sidelines next year and not in the booth as he was for the second half of this season, according to the Great Hemisphere himself. He may be forced back to the booth if his knees don't hold up, thus bringing us steps closer to having our second cyborg coach. (The first being Bobby Petrino, who demands your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle as the first part of his recruiting pitch.)

Jorvorskie Lane Remains Fat. Three hundred pounds worth of fat. Lane really screwed up his position in the draft, too, since blaming his lack of production on Mike Sherman would have been both easy and entirely credible to NFL scouts. Instead:

It probably cost him a draft choice," Tennessee Titans scout C.O. Brocato said. "It might have cost him five rounds."

Other than that, he's doing fine, and currently sipping a bucket of clotted cream before a light walking workout.

Fulmer Cup: To be assessed shortly: Cock Gets Stung in Weed Trap.