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FSU GETS VERDICT IN ACADEMIC FRAUD CASE

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It's NCAA Penalty day in college football, and who couldn't be excited about that? The offseason is a wondrous cavalcade of events, isn't it? This ledge...looks so inviting...so...death-y....

Only the fact that this is Florida State in potential NCAA trouble keeps us away from the ledge. The case in question involves 39 athletes who cheated in a music class, an event characterized as the class being "compromised." This term is far too badass to be used in an academic fraud investigation, NCAA rulesters: it belongs to the CIA, and applies to things that have to go in hiding in Dubai for three years to avoid Chinese assassins, not dipshit music classes jocks took to get easy As in at football schools. Unless Bobby Bowden's telling someone calling from a satphone in Central Asia that he doesn't know him, and that he's "burned," we protest the usage.

Anyway, the judgment against the Seminoles in the case comes down today. FSU responded by suspending a slew of players for the Music City Bowl, cooperated extensively with the NCAA, and generally behaved in a very proactive manner during the entire case. We hope for nothing but the best outcome in the case. One picture sums up our feelings on the matter.

Hope it goes well, boys! The skipping cannonballs of cruel fate: great for the teeth, better for the longevity of your football program. We hate Florida State. Oh, do we hate Florida State. The press conference will take place at 3 p.m. If Atlanta explodes, it's just us atomizing into a solid warm front of harm-joy.