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CURIOUS INDEX, 3/2/2009

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Fulmer Cuprising! Iowa; Ohio State; and Arkansas. All three strike with a boozy determination to bolt their teams into the Fulmer Cup race. Full update shortly with points awarded, but the most active weekend of the Cup season has a common thread running through it: the need to get crunk no matter if you're walking the streets of Fayetteville, cruising the barren, stray-dog-ruled barrens of Columbus, or weaving through them hot streetz of Iowa City. Crunk happens. Prepare for its embraces accordingly. (Stay home and watch Spike like the rest of us, young ones.)

Phil Fulmer did this, but only for EKG tests. The Wild Boyz Stomp lives at Tennessee, where Ed Orgeron continues to work hard and play hard like it's the Anvil. From Markeith Ambles' account of his recruiting visit to Knoxville.

"We were in a dark theater and all of a sudden they turned on the lights and the coaches ripped off their shirts," Ambles said with a laugh."It was like in the army and it got crunk up in there. Some of the players that were in there did some chants. It got crunk."

EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!!!

Freedom Williams can surely find a spot as a graduate assistant with Tennessee to increase their hypeness in the Lane Kiffin era. Offseason conditioning at Tennessee now includes generous slices of the revolutionary conditioning featured in You Got Served, Krumping, and approximately 100 percent more homoeroticism. Shocking news from the account? Monte Kiffin has the eight-pack of an 18 year old lightweight MMA fighter. Like a flesh-colored turtle's shell, they say.

Seatbelts: Preventing Amateur Cannonballing Since 1849. Oklahoma sophomore wide receiver Corey Wilson flew 45 feet from the rolling wreck of his Chevy Trailblazer in an accident on I-35 Saturday afternoon. He was not wearing a seatbelt, and is in critical condition at OU Medical Center. Wilson is extremely fortunate to be alive; all obvious happy thoughts sent; wear your fucking seatbelt next time.

I Thought Duke Would Be More Cosmopolitan. Now David Cutcliffe realizes there are heels in more than one burg in North Carolina, as his witty banter falls on deaf ears in Durham.

"Y'all don't get it. I don't believe it!" he said jokingly. "Do y'all not watch the news, the last days in politics? Anybody pay attention to what's going on? Anybody know what Joe Biden's quote was? Good gracious guys, you have your heads buried in the sand. Never mind, you won't get what I just said."

It beats those staff meetings at Tennessee, though. The noise Jimmy Ray Stephens made slurping mucilage straight from the rubber nipple drowned out nearly everything you tried to say. Your talents are being wasted on the lowbrows of Cancer U, Cut: come to the University of Alabama English Department's Flag Football Team, where your pithy allusions to our body politic vis a vis football will be appreciated (provided Jon Gruden turns them down.) (HT: Kleph.)

FAIL comes in four flavors. If we're talking about the transition from college to the NFL, of course. Commenters FTW: pigeonholing Katzenmoyer as a non-injury case is inaccurate, and his sample size was far too small to consider whether he was a success or not, unless you are a Michigan fan and assuming steroids destabilized his spinal column by artificially bulking his skull up to unsustainable size, which you go right ahead and do.