Off-topic, but not far: The Arizona student paper has an arrest report in it that puts any Fulmer Cup contestant to shame. Some choice excerpts:
When police arrived, they saw a stopped, running car at a green light, facing eastbound on Speedway.When the officer approached the car, he saw the woman was asleep, with her dress pulled up to her stomach and her underwear pulled down to her mid-thighs.
[...]
Upon opening the door, he saw a three-quarters-empty bottle of Sailor Jerry Navy Rum on the floorboard of the passenger side.
[...]
After about two minutes of trying to wake her up, she awoke, saying, "No, Clint, not right now."
Innumerable thanks to EDSBS lead counsel Ragin' Cajun Rebel for passing this along.