CURIOUS INDEX, 1/26/09

That meal was so good my left arm is tingling. The best and brightest part of our trip to West Virginia came with a visit to Tudor's Biscuit World, a local breakfast chain peddling solidified balls fluffy lard and and salt conglomerates colloquially referred to as "biscuits," a misleading term given their pillowy size and mineral heft.

Facing a menu listing the "Mountaineer," the "Thundering Herd," and the "Black Lunge Hackworthy," we chose the "Rocket." The full name has to be "Rocket (To The Crypt)", as it is a piece of country-fried steak, one large fried egg, and a brick of hashbrowns held together by one gigantic biscuit pie. We were concerned the instant we picked it up and thought "mmm. Heavy."

We didn't eat for another six hours, which is good, as we're pretty sure part of the biscuit is still lodged whole in our aorta. Also seen: a coal train on fire, a guy who almost blindsided Cuddles Swindle's truck backing out of a liquor store clearly inebriated, and a fat redneck who made it all the way to the safety fence snow-tubing. Add in the local cable access showings of the West Virginia toughman competition, and it was pure entertainment all around.

It's like Miami, but without the beach, hot weather, or Miami. Oklahoma has contacted former Canes qb Robert Marve about coming to Norman. Marve, who suffered under Patrick Nix, "ofensiv koordinater", would miss a year and slide right into competition following the likely departure of Sam Bradford in 2009.

Here's head coach Chip Bellotti. Or Mike Kelly. Um. The convoluted coaching situation and staff turnover is taking hunks out of Oregon's recruiting class for 2009. For those who don't follow Oregon football's every burp and hiccup--and we know you do--Chip Kelly is the "coach-in-waiting" there, therefore no one's really sure who's making what calls or hiring who to do what. Other than that, nothing's wrong whatsoever.

HIRE MICHAEL IRVIN. DO IT. Notre Dame is looking to hire ex-NFL players as grad assistants, presumably to tell them all about the league they will not be drafted into, and therefore motivate them to succeed in other fields.

Contains physics. Run. Examine the aerodynamics of a football here, and marvel at the science-like content. Stephen Garcia doesn't care if it's shaped like a flying donkey dick, man. Just give it to him and he'll throw it like Zeus throws fuckin' thunderbolts (directly into the arms of someone in another uniform, but whatever. Live by the bomb, die by the bomb, baby.)