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Part one: From misery merchant Gregg Doyel:

Sorry. Wrong. If Tebow were a Muslim or a Mormon, and Meyer's daughter texted him with Tebow's chosen verse from the Koran or from the Book of Mormon, would that be "good for college football, good for young people, good for everything?"

Part two:

Orson: "Hey, Freek. What if we made Tim Tebow into the most extreme Muslim we could imagine?"

Freek: "On it."

Part Three:

"Greetings and grace to you, Gator Peoples. I would like to first and foremost thank Allah and his only prophet Mohammed. It is through the divine power of his sword that I came through to victory with my team. Praise be to Allah and to his people, the Gator Nation."

"Let's do it again next year! Death to America, and Go Gators."

We would have tried him as a polygamist Fundamentalist Mormon, but to be honest he would have looked pretty much the same as he does now, but in a tie and short sleeves, and two years older thanks to a mission trip.