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GUESS WHO'S GONE, COACH?

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Pittsburgh's football offices, 8:35 a.m. An assistant runs into Dave Wannstedt's offices.

Assistant: Coach! Guess who's going pro?

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Wannstedt: [pauses]

Assistant: Come on...the running back?

Wannstedt: [pauses]

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Assistant: The one who only averaged 23 carries a game? Carried our team? MVP of our year, essentially?

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Wannstedt: GOSH THIS IS HARD OWWWWWWWW.

Assistant: Whoa, coach. You better relax and have some tea. Want me to get you some chamomile.

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Wannstedt: Yeah, buddy. That would be great. But tell me: who is it?

Assistant: LeSean McCoy.

Wannstedt: Who?

Assistant: Our running back?

Wannstedt: I...I only know the numbers.

Assistant: Number 25, sir.

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Wannstedt: DAMMIT THINKBALL!!! THINK FASTER TIME NEXT!!! STUPID WANNSTEDT THINKBALL!!!

Assistant: I'll be back with that tea, coach.