Oh, you've just caught me reading a few of my favorite Zane Grey novels in my home study. Do you like my flatscreens, and my platinum thread robe? Does Bob Stoops house look like this? I don't think so. That man lives like a sad hobo compared to me. Or you, for that matter, I'm sure.
I know you're busy, college football writers of the world. But I would like to do one thing. First, to wish you a happy new year from all of us at Texas and from the great state of Texas, and to again hope the holidays were kind to you and yours no matter what holiday you were celebrating, be it the Festival of our Lord and Savior's birth, Kwanzaa, or god forbid Hanukkah.
(HEY! Edit that bit out, will ya? Might hurt our recruiting in..um...well, just edit it out anyway, m'kay? 3..2...)
I'd like to make a special offer to each of you for just keeping Texas in mind when you cast your votes. I know there's things to fix with the BCS, and no team feels the pain more than the Texas Longhorns. We've got work to do, and I look forward to doing it. We need to clean up a mess that puts a team who beat the number one team in the nation head to head with only one loss...well, in the fine Tostitos Fiesta Bowl...it's something that needs to be cleaned up.
With your very own Texas Longhorns Shamwow, of course.
But that's just the start of what we at Texas are willing to offer you.
For a DOCUMENTED NUMBER ONE VOTE for the TEXAS LONGHORNS, I, Mack Brown, will personally deliver a BUG BAZOOKA to your home. Or shoot your worst enemy in the face with a high powered shotgun! Just kidding, y'all. Or maybe not! Just keep Texas in your hearts and minds when you cast that final vote and there's no telling what Ol' Mack can do for ya!
Cleaning up bug guts or ventilating your biggest enemy's skull? No telling, but let's talk!
All of this is just ONE DOCUMENTED NUMBER ONE VOTE FOR TEXAS away! Keep us in your hearts, and we'll make sure you never have to spend money on paper towels ever again. Also, I might kill for you, and kill with a speed and merciless anger that will make Anton Chigurh look as toothless and polite as the Oklahoma pass rush in comparison.