Blind item! Names and conference deleted to protect the innocent!
My dad works at a bank with about 2 or 3 guys that were/used to be [conference deleted] officials. They said that they always would have a meeting before the game with the two head coaches just to run over everything real quick. Apparently, [coach's name] would walk in completely naked and sit in a chair during the whole meeting and act like it was normal. This happened to them a few times and then the next time they had to officiate a [university] game, [coach's name] came in with a towel on. After the meeting, they found out that some other officiating crew had complained to the [conference deleted] front office and they said that he had to wear at least a towel from now on to the meetings. Pretty gross.
Right now, we just cast you in your own little private Saw. Choose one, and suffer pain no matter what happens. Also, further proof of Douglas Adams being the single greatest mind of his time in stating the two basic rules of the universe applying to any situation: 1. Don't panic, and 2. Always bring a towel. If only the participants had adhered to these, we'd all be so, so much happier right now.