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GUNNER & GUNNERER: TCU-BYU COMPATIBILITY SCREENING.

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It's a Thursday night game. You know in your pitted hearts you have nothing better to do. Take our handy quiz to determine your loyalties for the evening.

Your preferred tailgating beverage is:
A) Beer
B) Milk

Your go-to antiseptic in event of injury is:
A) Beer
B) Milk

You drive to the game in:
A) A pickup truck that seats four.
B) A family van or SUV seating no less than ten.

You like your jeans to be:
A) Cowboy tight.
B) Ironed with a crease every time.

Your mascot:
A) Is a nightmare engine that SPITS BLOOD FROM ITS EYES DAMMIT WE DON'T CARE WHAT THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL SAYS ABOUT ANTS
B) Actually killed a relative of yours three weeks ago.

Show me sexy.

You think breast implants are:
A) Hot and worth it
B) May I give you some literature?

Shotgun weddings are:

A) A fact of life
B) Redundant

You have a year's worth of food in the house because:
A) You keep a Texas-sized kitchen YEEEHAW
B) Because your religion requires you to.

Your first sexual encounter:
A) In the back of the truck.
B) Through a hole in the sheet.

Your favorite polygamist:
A) J.R. Ewing
B) Joseph Smith

I drill for a living, baby.

You are threatened by:
A) Wolves, lightning, economic insecurity, your current partner's exes, and earthquakes.
B) Black people.

Your women are best kept:
A) Barefoot and pregnant.
B) In Keds and pregnant.

Your quarterback got the starting job:
A) Because he is named "Dalton," and by Texas law anyone named after the lead in Road House gets whatever they want.
B) Because of his pinpoint accuracy.

Pencils down! Those answering mostly A are natural TCU fans; those answering B will find their reward with BYU. This has been a public service of EDSBS and Swindle Industries, LLC.