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CURIOUS INDEX, 10/9/08

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It's white cardboard box time. Tony Franklin is honest in defeat:

AUBURN - An Auburn employee wanted to know why Tony Franklin was loading his car with boxes in front of the school's athletic complex Wednesday afternoon.

"They told me to get lost," Franklin said.

Franklin, fired yesterday as the offensive coordinator for the Auburn Tigers, had to haul all of his crap out of his office in front of cameras and the assembled idle members of the Opelika rabble, but was still way, way more pleasant than we'd be about it, even wishing the reporters a "Have a nice day, y'all" on the way out of the parking lot for the last time.

Auburn has no clearcut leads on a replacement thus far, but Bobby Petrino has heard of your vacancy and is interested. Additionally, he promises to not try to poison you in your sleep and take your job like last time HA HA HA HA ha. Ha. Just kidding. He's totally interested.

Kansas State: No refunds. Aggie Report puts together a free promotional video for Kansas State, and that's just oh-so-nice of them. Famous players include Terence Newman, Darren Sproles, and Biscuit!

The Darren Sproles hiding behind the pylon bit made that whole thing worthwhile, as does the fact that when compared with one of the actual videos made by K-State to promote the campus, the video seems like a bit of a push in the damage department. (Unlike Ron Prince, who's got this whole "negative momentum" thing going just fine, thank you.)

And maybe you're mad he's just prettier than you ever were! Shane Matthews has been complaining about the Gator passing game on his show, and Robbie Andreu gets so perturbed he begins jumping up and down so much his shirt comes up to reveal the puffy paint Tebow shirt no one was ever, ever supposed to see:

As for the Tebow statement, I just don't get it. I know, his mechanics can be unorthodox at times, but the threw for 3,286 yards and 32 touchdowns last season. AND HE WON THE HEISMAN!

Is there some jealousy at play here, Shane?

Because he's pleased me like you never, ever could, Shane! I faked them all!

The universe realigns. Punter Britton Colquitt will return to duty following a five game suspension for Tennessee against Georgia this Saturday. Laugh if you will, but all of this talk about the offense may have been superfluous: the real problem with the Vols is the lack of Colquitt on the roster, the family that has produced every single Tennessee punter for the past 149 years.

Hold onto your ass, Osama. J Leman is going to be a color man for the Big Ten Network, which just became instantly toxic to the viewing eyes of terrorists. Broadcast this across the barren ranges of the Pakistani/Afghani border, and we will win the war on terror in five minutes.