Poll voters reach deep inside ass, pull out rankings. As badly as Georgia was hammered by Alabama on Saturday night--and it was, as commenters noted, a balls-deep hammerbanging prison romance for the first half, and a noble but doomed comeback in the second--Alabama was a ranked team, unlike Oregon State or Ole Miss. If you're gauging degrees of defeat, you rank Georgia's as the most respectable of debacles (since Alabama really is that good by evidence,) followed up by USC's (on the road) and then Florida's (completely imploding and eating self-ass pie at home.) The fact that Southern Cal is above Georgia is the first time we'll actually side with Georgia fans: you're getting the UFIA for the second time this weekend.
With that stated...that was some Final Destination-level killing out there. Heavy objects being dropped on unsuspecting heads. Grown men in tears. Death, inescapable crushing death.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET NICK SABAN PLAY WITH HEAVY MACHINERY!!! Like USC after the Oregon State game, the Alabama Slamma's toll is more than just psychological: Knowshon Moreno has a severe contusion on his elbow (in casual terms, a kickass, bone-deep bruise,) TE Tripp Chandler reaggravated a shoulder injury, split end Kris Durham sprained his ankle, and linebacker Dannell Ellerbe sprained his knee. All are doubtful or just plain out for the Tennessee game.
"Alarming." Well, that's one word for it. Florida is getting back to work, which is good since they did very little effective work over the weekend. You know how that is: you roll out of bed planning to go to the office, then X-Men 2 on FX sucks you in for an hour or two, then you dither with the idea of cleaning out the fridge because that week old vegetable stew is starting to grow legs, and then you lose to Ole Miss at home.
Meanwhile, a jubilant Ole Miss contingent discovered that you don't touch Florida Field during gametime:
It's open the whole week, but during the game they guard it with dogs and billy clubs. This is an improvement over the Sixties, though, when National Guardsmen ringed it with bayonets. The Nutt family nearly had the dogs turned on them as they took the field to celebrate, as well, which would have been the only real defense played on the field that day by a representative of UF.
Playbook includes "sack" and "throw away safely." The qb competition opens up again for Tennessee because Jonathan Crompton has been positively crapulent under center for Tennessee. There's more on this later, but if the backup comes in and takes a one yard sack every time they step in, this would be an improvement over the horrorshow that has been the Clawfense thus far. Numbers: they're fun!
Against Auburn, Crompton was 8-of-23 for 67 yards. During the fourth quarter, he was 0-for-6. Those eight completions were a team low since Rick Clausen went 8-for-20 for 69 yards in UTs 2004 loss to Auburn in the SEC championship game.
Jake Locker, mercifully out of commission. QB Jake Locker was injured in Washington's home loss to Stanford, and has mercifully been put on the bench. If there's any justice in this world, Ty Wilingham will soon follow with a torn resume and severely bruised career.
Excellence in commenting, Vol. 23. RUMSFELD!!!
Somehow I think Tebows summer of playing with little boys wangs had a part in this.
We received no less than four comments that were a variation on this theme. When's the plague happening? Soon? Soon enough? The Stand is a comedy, right? Laurie Garrett, TCOAN and ourselves are heading to Montana with a T1 line, arms, and three years worth of supplies. The rest of you are on your own.
CURIOUS INDEX, 9/29/08