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Please, no peeing here. Signed, Athens.

Rankings mean nothing, especially when you're too drunk to read them clearly. This is all too evident from the Georgia Bulldog's roll through Athens this weekend, which featured all the requirements of a party done properly following the Bulldogs anointing as the number one team preseason in all the land by the pollsters:

--public urination


--someone being cut

--a beer bottle making contact with someone's head.

--the assault of quality garden-related crockery.

In the defense of the players, being so drunk you can't talk on the weekend in Athens is not at all unusual, even for your teetotalling correspondent, who almost got into one of the few almost-barfights of his life in Athens. ("Stipe! I'm calling you out, asshole!") Doing it the weekend before fall practice may not be so great an idea, as sweating out beer in the Africa-hot of the piedmont sounds three doors down from Mark Twight-level training hell, and that's nowhere we'd want to be.

Points for the incidents are assessed thusly. For Darius Dewberry's Cool Hand Luke act on a parking machine, one point; for Henson's public urination and public intoxication charges (which really should be a package deal, since no one besides Bulgarian tourists acquire sober public urination charges--you heard us, Bulgaria!) get him two points.

For all the hoopla in the ATL media over this, that's a measly three points for Georgia in total, showing once again that living expenses of all sorts are cheaper in college towns. Even your drunken foolishness comes at discount rates.